Suziecreamcheese Sings the Blues

I have snow anxiety

No news there

I follow several weather pages on facebook, check the national weather service, accuweather (which isn’t very), weather channel (please stop naming snow storms, it’s stupid) and the local tv stations.   It’s supposed to snow tomorrow.   The forecasts call for anywhere from 2 inches to over a foot.   I’ve never seen such disparity and I’m confused as to what’s going on.   

My chondritis isn’t flaring at all.   Every time we’ve had bad weather, I’ve had pain, searing pain, sharp pains, pain that put me on the sofa with a heating pad.   I started taking coconut oil and tumeric and there’s been a huge improvement – but I’ve still had aches and pains when it’s been cold and when it’s snowing and when it’s raining.   I got nothin this time.   So we shall see.   Are the fearcasters right?  Are the local stations right?   This will be interesting.

My y best friend rescued a Yellow lab almost three years ago- his name is Zeke

Zeke has issues 
I am one of the few people he trusts – and this baffled everyone until I told one of my friends about the first time I met Zeke
It seems that everyone approached him with caution, having heard that he had Issues
I sat down on the floor and held out my arms to him
He climbed all over me, jumped on me, mouthed me – pretty hard but didn’t break skin – and I laughed and laughed
It seems that I established myself as not as threat and just a playmate

I’m quite proud of this, of Zeke for accepting my love, and of myself for offering it so easily

I walked out that night with bruises on my body, but joy in my heart

Zeke still has issues, and I still get on the floor with him, and he still jumps all over me and leaves me with bruises – and he still makes me smile.   

I so often feel that I’ve failed the ones I love.   I haven’t failed Zeke.   

But I can’t stop them from falling

Bear has to work.  He had to go to work in the snow and I’m scared shitless about the roads.   He’s been gone 1/2 hour, and he’s gonna call when he gets there, and I’m sitting here bawling   Just please call and tell me you’re safe.

I am so gonna start drinking when he gets home later.

It’s been a day of trying to keep it together.   I took Max for a walk, he pulled because I had forgotten to switch his flat collar for his martingale, so I’m sore across the chest.  Then I cleaned bathrooms, and that made the muscles hurt more.   I was going to make applesauce but I didn’t think peeling apples was a good idea when I was already hurting.   I’m a big ball of tense muscles right now, and I won’t relax till I know he’s okay.   

It’s been almost 40 minutes.   He should be there.   

I’ve been telling myself that I’ve lived through enough winters that I know it’s gonna be okay, that we’ll make it through this one, too.  It’s not working.   Three storms in one week, and flashing back to 4 years ago when we got three feet in one storm, and then another three feet a few days later, and my nerves are shot.   And the stupid fearcasters just WON’T SHUT UP!  

I’ve been posting about it all day myself, so I shouldn’t talk.   

Okay.  He needs to call and then I can go make applesauce, or play the organ or grade exams or something to take my mind off it till he’s home safe.   

Yesterday, my love stated that he would like me to take the CPA exam.   

WHUUUUUTTTT?
okay then

I guess we do some research 

Thanksgiving traditions were born a few years ago.   We host dinner, on Friday.  We do all the cooking, all the cleanup.   We send home leftovers with everyone who comes.   We ask nothing of them, except their presence.

This year, drama ensued.   First one decided not to come, then the rest.  

Sadness, and stress, tears and blame.   

It was not my choice for them to not come.   It is, however, my choice to be upset about it or not.  

I choose to not let them think they’ve won a victory.  I choose to celebrate the day, to make dinner for my family – my husband and my dog – and to be thankful for what I have.   This is not my loss.  It’s hers.  

Many of my facebook friends are doing a 30 days of Thankfulness thing on facebook.   

I thought I’d start here.

Today I’m thankful for my stepson, who has taught me that no matter how hard I try to win his love, he will never stop resenting me for coming between him and his dad’s wallet.    I’m thankful for him teaching me that as long as you say you care, someone will believe it.   I’m grateful to him for showing me that priorities are a funny thing, and if you want something badly enough, it becomes more important than anything else.   I’m grateful for the fact that we’ve always managed to have the money to save him when his priorities were a bit different from those of the rest of the world.

I’m thankful for his girlfriend.   She’s taught me that when my wallet is open, I’m a caring wonderful person, but when I ask too many questions, I’m a nosy bitch who needs to mind her own business.   I’m grateful to her for giving me a reason to close my wallet and not feel guilty about saying no.   

I’m thankful for my dog.   He’s taught me that I can do everything in my power to make another living being happy and it still isn’t enough.   He’s taught me that apparently there are no limits to the amount of frustration I can handle.    He’s taught me that puppy kisses and wagging tails don’t really make up for shoulders pulled out of joint, and aching bones, and bruises.   

I’m thankful for weather forecasters who hype every rain drop into a tornado.   My life would be so drama free without them, what would I do?

I’m thankful for students – see frustration levels above.