And the bra search continues – among other things

Posted on March 11, 2013 by suziecreamcheese

I have chondritis.   It makes my chest hurt, and wearing a bra is sometimes an exercise in “how much pain can I take today?”   I have sports bras, underwire bras (evil, they are evil!) and bras that are just pieces of lace with no support at all, and some that are too tight and some that are too loose, and some that I can wear for a day or so, and some that I can wear for a few minutes.   

I would LOVE to find a bra that I can wear regularly.   So I read about this Coobie bra, but I really don’t want to order something that I’ve never seen.   Sigh.  What to do?

 

On another note – I’m watching The Bible on History Channel.   It’s inspired me to read the Bible again – how modern of me, I’m reading it on my Kindle with an app that tells me what I should read each day and keeps track of my progress.   🙂   Not that I’ll ever be totally converted, there’s too much witch in my blood, but I do like to read the stories and I really like to be able to tell Bible thumpers that “yes, I’ve read the Bible.  Several times. Have YOU?”   

The lack of snow and cold, although it WAS cold, has apparently made for early onset of allergies.   I have a headache that won’t quit, a stuffed up nose, clogged up sinuses, a bit of a cough, and I’m snoring like a chain saw.   Yes, it’s uncomfortable.   But it’s still better than snow!

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Yes, he’s adorable

Posted on March 6, 2013 by suziecreamcheese

But he’s driving me crazy the last couple of days.  I know that part of it is that we can’t take a walk, and he’s got too much energy. 
He’s not listening AT ALL and that just makes me so mad, which doesn’t help matters.

It’s just been an ugly week here emotionally.   Hopefully, Spring will spring soon and we’ll get back to happy chipper wonderfulness!

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Max

Posted on March 6, 2013 by suziecreamcheese

Max

snugglin with his eddeee bare

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So much for that

Posted on March 5, 2013 by suziecreamcheese

Well, I thought I had the anxiety under control, the few times it’s snowed I’ve been fine.  I went out in it – went to the store – no problems.  I was a little shaky when I slid on the driveway, but it was okay.  I thought maybe I was over it.

I was wrong.  They’ve been hyping a storm since last week, and the closer it gets, the more the hype.   I’m tired, it’s been a long day, and too much to get done.  So I’m stressed out and missing the Bear and wishing he was home.  Max does the in/out routine only with me, and it adds to my stress.   And I want my laptop.  I was so sure this guy would be able to fix it, but it doesn’t seem like he listened to me when I told him what it was doing.   I’m not real happy about that, or about the new one probably being delivered when the snow is falling.   I don’t know what UPS does if they can’t make it up your driveway.   Maybe it won’t come till Thursday.  I can hope.  

So I had a meltdown.  But I’m better.  And by Thursday night this will all be a memory.  I’m just pissed at myself, and the news media.  

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I miss my laptop

Posted on March 1, 2013 by suziecreamcheese

And I’m damned cranky about it

I’m waiting on someone who’s supposed to be getting me a good deal on a new one, but in the meantime, I am lost without my laptop.   I guess I’m just too used to multi-tasking, watching tv while writing notes, playing games, eating lunch in front of it while cruising the internet – and I hate change, and I hate not being able to fix something, so this is just a great big fat annoyance. 

And I’m partly annoyed with myself because I should have just gone and got a new one and not waited around.  

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Achy, cold, and shut the hell up

Posted on February 22, 2013 by suziecreamcheese

Morning rants when I’m not fully awake do not make me happy

Telling me “you should have” for everything I tell you that happened, does not make me happy

Spring not being here yet does not make me happy

Achy chest does NOT make me happy

Weather forecast of wintery mix does not make me happy

Getting paid for only one class is making me cranky

I need a nap, but if I go lie down, I’ll sleep all day

grump grump grumble

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Special days

Posted on February 17, 2013 by suziecreamcheese

Yesterday was just wonderful.   
Most wouldn’t call it special, but most people didn’t live the sort of life where you watch everyone else and wonder if you’ll ever have what they take for granted.  And you wonder why it’s passed you by, that normal stuff.   My friends got married, had kids, had their own homes, and never seemed to think it was anything more than what was supposed to be.  

So fast forward a lot of years – and a lot of tears and lonely nights and the acceptance that I would always be alone – to today.  I made cookies for my husband, swept the floors, paid bills, took the dog out  –  things other people seemingly take for granted.  

Trust me, guys, this is the definition of “special”

And today I pay for the happy puppy who jumped all over me in the field, and body slammed me, with a chondritis flare that put me in bed all day.   Yeah, I guess he’s worth it.  

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sleepy Sunday

Posted on February 10, 2013 by suziecreamcheese

I just didn’t want to get out of bed today.   No particular reason, I just could have stayed in bed all day, dreaming dreams and thinking thoughts.   
But I got up, and it was a good day.  🙂   

Max and I walked, he got to play with his friend and got quite dirty, so I put him in the tub and hosed off his feet.   He was so tired, but like a kid who’s over tired, he fought sleep most of the day.   Afraid he’d miss something, I suspect.   

I snuggled with Bear, did some school stuff, putzed around, did a bit of quilting, made meatloaf, and now it’s Downton Abbey and knitting.   

The snow missed us completely.   It was quite the relief, I really hate snow.   

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It was the seatbelt

Posted on February 10, 2013 by suziecreamcheese

that crossed my chest and made the chondritis flare.   Then it was the cold, and the damp.  

It could be worse, at least I was still functional.   

So the weather is still iffy but I’ve been dealing with it.   I got through “Nemo” with minimal anxiety.   Yay, me.   Every step that doesn’t make me cry is a step forward.   I’m still counting down to Spring, and telling myself that every breath I take is one breath closer to the day I don’t have to think about snow for 6 months. 

Quilt progress is slow, but notable.   I’m more than half way through the second row.   It’s soothing to my nerves – the movement of the needle through the fabric is like a form of meditation.   Bear said tonight that he didn’t really understand this quilting thing till he saw the heart done free-hand, and thought it looked pretty amazing.   That made me happy, made me smile.   🙂  It’s nice to have him sort of get something so important to me.   

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Memories of Anna

Posted on February 1, 2013 by suziecreamcheese

Max and I went to the nursing home today.  It’s the first time we’ve been in several weeks, but I kind of ran out of excuses for not going, and I thought it would be good practice for him with the Halti.   He did well, he sort of self-corrects if I let him.   We didn’t stay long.  There was a party going on in the cafeteria, and most of the residents were there.   I didn’t want to bring him into that, especially since the first person I saw was Mean Jean, who always yells at me to get Max away from her.   We walked around and visited a few people, and then came home.   It was enough.  

I’m melancholy tonight.  I miss Anna.   I know she’d want us to keep going there, if only so I could bring her back stories about the other residents.  How we’d giggle over some of their antics.   I’m grateful for the time I had with her, she always made me feel so loved.  I hope she knew then and knows now, how much I loved her, and still do.  

 

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