A tale of two cities

Posted on February 22, 2016 by suziecreamcheese

A Tale of Two Cities

I grew up in a small town. I lived there for almost 50 years, knew every street, pretty much every person – I was related to most of them.

And then I moved. I moved to another small town.
Suddenly I didn’t know where I was going most of the time, and didn’t know a soul other than my husband. Where was the party to welcome me? Where was the marching band? Didn’t these people know that I had arrived in their midst?

Well. No, they didn’t. It was scary at first. It was kind of like having surgery and being in recovery – for months. When you’re recovering from surgery, every step, every move is hesitant. Going for groceries? Wait, let me think about how to get to the store. I got lost trying to get out of a parking lot – one of those that seems to have been built by a drunken Irishman on a three week binge. I cried in the car. I cried all the way home.

And when I got home, I realized that I was, in spite of the struggles, home.

It’s been 12 years since I moved. I still miss that small town where I grew up. I haven’t been back in years, but I still miss it. I’d spend a month there every summer if I could.

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The Silver Spoon

Posted on February 11, 2016 by suziecreamcheese

My mother always used a silver spoon.  It was the only silver spoon we had, and it was Mother’s – no one else ever used it.   I used to think it was a quirk, because my mother had many of those.   Now, I’m not so sure.   Mother was a lady, in spite of being from a poor family, a family with 14 children is almost by definition a poor family.   Her father was a carpenter, her mom had babies.

And yet she married a man from a fairly wealthy family.  She managed to create a lifestyle that was very much middle class – never rich but never worried about paying the bills.   She lived through the Depression and the war, and came out on the other side, stronger for the experiences.

And so the spoon.  I think now that the spoon was a symbol to her.  She wasn’t born with a silver spoon, but she damned sure lived like she had been.

I fought for that spoon when she died.  We fought over many things, some trivial, some more important.  My sisters couldn’t understand why I wanted that spoon so badly.  I really didn’t understand myself.

I’m very much like my mother.  I am, in spite of myself and my tendency to curse like a sailor, a lady.  And I have the silver spoon to prove it.

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thinking about every move

Posted on January 31, 2016 by suziecreamcheese

It’s tiresome to have to think about every move your body makes.   Sometimes I feel like I should write down every single thing I do in a day so I can go back and pinpoint the single thing that’s making me hurt so much today.   Shall I wrap myself in a warm fuzzy blanket and spend the day on the sofa?  Probably not, not moving makes me hurt almost as much as moving does.

I need to get back to walking.   As strange as it sounds, it helps – maybe it’s getting the joints moving or something, but it really does help.   The snow has made that impossible – it’s been over a week since we were able to get out for a walk.   We went past the park yesterday, it looked like a sheet of white everywhere.   That alone shows how bad this storm was, every other time it’s snowed, there are still people out walking the paths, making tracks for others to follow.  Not this time.   The entrances to the park are still plowed in, only one is open and it looked like only the parking lot is clear.

So is it from lack of walking?  Is it that I lifted a case of beer?  Is it that I took Max to the stores yesterday and he sort of wound himself around me, as he likes to do when he wants to leave?   Is it from our trip to the store on Friday, where we sat for two hours selling coupon books for the therapy group, and he pulled me around a good bit?   Or is it stress because classes have started and, as usual, I feel like I’m always catching up?

I wish there was a cure.

 

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Slug time

Posted on January 22, 2016 by suziecreamcheese

I took the dog for a walk.   I have nothing else planned today because OH MY GOD, WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE snow is supposed to be coming.   I’ve successfully done next to nothing for the past couple of hours.

Well, I did try to read but then Max decided he wanted out and in and out again.   Makes it tricky to curl up with a book when you have to keep getting up and down.

My ribs aren’t aching nearly as much as they should be if we’re really getting all this bad weather, so we shall see if it bombs out or not.   (Praying that it does)  Part of me wants it to bomb, but part of me wants it to be over and done so the snow lovers can quit their damned whining about how much their kids want to build a snowman.  (Hint, no they don’t, you do)

 

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grocery stores and snow storms

Posted on January 20, 2016 by suziecreamcheese

I actually do need bread!  I would rather have a root canal without novocaine than go to the grocery store tomorrow because a “BLIZZARD OF EPIC PROPORTIONS!”  is predicted.   The stores will be packed with people in a panic, and the shelves will probably be bare.   I need bread for the Bear’s lunch on Sunday – so I can’t really wait.  I don’t want to go tonight, so I guess I just grin and bear it.

I don’t quite the need to clean out the grocery stores.  If there’s that much snow, no one will have time to cook, the power will probably go out and your eggs and milk will go bad anyway.

I love the posts about how people want to sit by the fire and sip hot chocolate.  Yeah, most likely fall asleep in front of the fire – if you’ve had enough energy to build one – because you’re so exhausted from shoveling.   Don’t forget to shovel off your roof as well!

 

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The hype monster is at it again

Posted on January 19, 2016 by suziecreamcheese

I disabled my facebook account a few minutes ago.   I can’t deal with weather updates every few minutes, that don’t tell me anything and make me feel like my insides are being crushed because someone actually posted that there might be three feet of snow on Friday.

It’s just more fun to hang out in my virtual class and see who logs in first.

 

 

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Cold hands

Posted on January 13, 2016 by suziecreamcheese

Cold hands, cracked hands, hands that feel so sore

Sore hands, dry hands, winter’s here for sure

 

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Dear Snow Lovers

Posted on January 12, 2016 by suziecreamcheese

In a word, I think you’re nuts

Nope, it’s not beautiful

Nope, it’s not wonderful

Nope, I don’t want to build a snowman, and I’m willing to bet that your kids don’t want to build one either, nor do they wish to get cold, wet and snotty nosed and chapped lipped while falling off a sled on the way down a hill, the same hill they’ll have to trudge back up while wearing 18 layers of clothes and still being cold.

Winter – the season of not being able to make plans until you hear the weather forecast, which will change 100 times before your plans come to fruition.

No, I don’t want a day off from work.   A day off for most people means a day without a paycheck.

No, I don’t want a blizzard.   And I think if you do want a blizzard, you need medication.  Do you even know what that is?   It’s blinding snow, snow that you can’t see through, snow that makes you get lost in a parking lot because your glasses are coated within seconds, snow that kills people.   Three feet of snow sound good?  You’re beyond medication, you’re officially a moron.

 

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Ribs, and not the barbecue kind

Posted on January 2, 2016 by suziecreamcheese

My ribs hurt.   Aching, jabbing, pains from nowhere that make me catch my breath and tighten up every muscle – which makes it hurt  – and I know it makes it hurt more, but it’s the automatic reaction to the sudden jab in my side that feels like someone punched me.

If it’s the faeries, I wish they’d find a better way to communicate, because this isn’t working for me!

It could be from any number of things, from the phase of the moon to the weather changing – it’s cold and my body hates cold.   The contradiction there is that my ribs ease when I put ice on them.

It used to be the breastbone that hurt all the time.   The past year has moved the pain to the left, under my breast.   IT’S NOT A HEART ATTACK!  says my mind.   I’ve had every test, and no, it’s not my heart – tell that to my gut when the first punch hits.

I go for days without it and then, as if to remind me that I’m really not ever going to be over it, it comes back with a jolt.

I need some ancient senator or congressman to get this and then we’ll find a cure.

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another year done

Posted on December 28, 2015 by suziecreamcheese

It’s always a surprise to me when the year draws to a close.   I like to look back and think about how things have changed, and how things have stayed the same.   It helps me to realize that things I worried about and stressed over either amounted to nothing, or were resolved.   This year will be the same, I’m sure.

There are new aches and pains.   There are new worries as we all grow older.   Some things became more difficult.  Some things became easier.

Through it all, I’ve realized that my dreams have come true in ways that I never thought possible and all the “stuff” is just that, just “stuff” that won’t really matter all that much next year at this time.

It’s not what I started out to write about but that’s okay – like life, my words often take their own path.   It’s actually been a good year – more good than bad.   Maybe sitting down to write has made me realize that.   I’ve learned a lot about myself, about who I really am down under all the surface stuff.   And I like that person.   A lot.  I feel like I’m me again, for a long time, I was the person everyone else thought I should be – and it’s taken 10 years with Mark for me to be the person I am, the person he always saw, the person he gives me strength enough to be.

 

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