Root Canal

Posted on February 21, 2019 by suziecreamcheese

After experiencing jabbing pains in a lower front tooth, off I went to the dentist to learn that the nerve as dying (and apparently not going down easy) and I needed a root canal.

A week of antibiotics later, I was in the dentist chair, getting drilled and filled and hoping that this would be the end of the hurting. My mouth has been sore for 3 weeks, I can’t bite anything because it’s a front tooth and that is seriously annoying.

Two days out from the procedure, I’m eating soup, and get a jab in that tooth, again. Oh, come on! I went through two weeks of this nonsense, and then a week of antibiotics, and then the whole procedure and it STILL hurts? This is not what I expected.

I don’t deal well with pain. The only bright spot in this was that it snowed (and I hate snow) and so we were both off work, and the Bear could take care of the Teen Terror. I spent time upstairs scanning stuff and pouting because I really miss playing Sims and I don’t have a computer that will let me play Sims 2. I loved that game, I don’t want to sign into Origin every time I want to play -which is what you have to do with Sims 3 – and it just annoys the heck out of me that I can’t play games that I bought, and loved, because of some stupid “upgrades.” This is the kind of thing I think about when I hurt. Another bright spot was cleaning a lot of crap out of the spare bedroom – I can see the bed now!

So tomorrow I call the dentist and make sure that this random pain – which was a one shot deal – is normal. And pray I don’t have to make another trip to see him, because my dental insurance isn’t worth a tinker’s damn. Or maybe that’s a dam. I don’t know, it’s an expression my mother used!

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A year ago

Posted on February 18, 2019 by suziecreamcheese

You told us you didn’t feel well, that something was wrong, that you were tired and just couldn’t get up. I knew, in my heart, that time was short. I knew you would soon be leaving us. I wouldn’t allow myself to say it, I wouldn’t face it, I wouldn’t let you go without a fight.

Forever, never leave me, never leave you.

I wasn’t going to let you go, you were gonna be the one who beat this. We fought so hard, you and I. We fought the bitch and we lost.

The first steps on the walk of pain were taken a year ago today. Two months later your walk was done. You ran – away from the pain, away from the sadness, into the light. You took my heart with you.

Shattered, broken, in pieces. I didn’t want to breathe any more. Only one thing kept me going, the love of a good man who was just as broken as I was, and trying to keep me together while he was falling apart right along with me.

In my memories you were always sweet and calm. I’m told that you were hell on wheels the first couple of years, but those memories are not mine. You made me cry at times, you made me crazy at times, and you made me laugh and you kissed my tears and you let me bury my head in your soft beautiful fur when things got nuts in my life. You loved me at my best, and at my worst. And I loved you more.

My beautiful boy.

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For the love of a dog

Posted on February 9, 2019 by suziecreamcheese

Today was a tough day.   One of my favorite dogs is going to the Bridge on Thursday, having been diagnosed with the same dread disease that took Max, and having no chance of surviving surgery and treatment, his mom has chosen to let him go while he’s still himself and still having some joy in life.

He spent lots of time with us over the years.   He would come and stay while she went on vacations, and wander our fields, joyfully sniffing and drinking in smells he didn’t experience at home.    At night we would put a blinking heart on his collar so we could find him in the dark, and let him and Max out to do their business while we followed along behind, keeping track of him by his red flashing light.

Max was not demonstrative normally.   When I’d go out, he knew I was coming back, and when that happened, he was like, “oh, you’re home, good, get me a treat.”    Thunder, on the other hand, seemed to think that every departure was the final one, and when I’d return, he would run around the house, then leap onto the sofa, then back to the floor and roll around, then back to the sofa to sit beside me and shower kisses on my face.    I have to admit that I told Max to take notes, because this was pretty freakin adorable.   Max sniffed in disdain and informed me he was above all that.

Today Thunder came to visit, for the last time.    He’s slowed down, his fur is patchy, he’s obviously not well, but his eyes are still bright and he was so happy to see me, and Bear, he wandered the field and went into the creek and had treats and got kisses and was just blissfully unaware that his days are few.

He will going to join Max on Thursday.   His mom was going to take him alone, just her and the vet, to let him go.   I know the pain she’s about to feel.   She thinks it hurts now, she has no clue that it’s going to be 100 times worse on Thursday.   I told her I’m going with her, I will be there to say goodbye, and to hold her while she cries after.

It’s going to shatter me, but I can’t let her do this alone.

 

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Remembering

Posted on February 8, 2019 by suziecreamcheese

Today was one of those days when Maverick looked at me like I was the most horrible person he’d ever met, simply because I wasn’t amused with him playing tug of war with his leash in the middle of the field, and because I needed him to go in his crate so I could go to the dentist.

I’m not feeling great – a toothache has been lurking for a week, dentist appointment made on Monday, scheduled for today – it appears I have an abscess brewing and I need a root canal.    Not being able to bite is taking its toll, I don’t feel like eating and most of my energy is going to healing this thing – which will be easier on my body now with the help of antibiotics.

So I have little patience for puppy shenanigans.   On my way home from the dentist, I stopped at Walmart to fill the scrip.  I’ve never been to the Walmart pharmacy, because I truly do not like that store, but it’s where my insurance tells me to go, so there I was.   I dropped off the scrip, the girl told me they’d page me when it was ready, so I wandered about picking up and putting down things because I didn’t feel like shopping, I just wanted to get home.   After a while, I went back up to the counter, and sat on one of the handy, uncomfortable, benches.   The bench that was being roundly kicked by the little child behind me, whose mother didn’t stop talking on the phone long enough to do more than utter a few unapologetic sorrys my way.    When I realized that the line forming behind me was getting longer, I asked someone if they actually called you, or you just got in line.  Oh, I was informed, you just get in line.   Sigh.    So ten more minutes in line and I finally got my meds.

On the way home, I had a talk with Max.  One of his friends is scheduled to join him at the Bridge this week, and I wanted to make sure he was aware, and would help the little guy when he gets there.    He’s always relied on Max to be his protector, and I know that will continue at the Bridge.    Then I started talking to him about Maverick.   In the midst of my venting, I felt a bit of peace- and a remembrance of the days when Max drove me crazy with his puppy antics, and how I learned from him that those days are short, and even though they’re not fun at the time, you look back and remember with a smile, and remember the sweet puppy who gives you kisses when you ask, “do you love me?”  and has learned to jump up and give a hug when you say “up!”   You forget the demon dog who tries to knock you down and drag you through the field.   You remember that it won’t last forever.

Thank you, Max.   Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow.   Never leave me, never leave you.

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Crazy Town

Posted on February 2, 2019 by suziecreamcheese

It seems that we have to visit Crazy Town once a week or so.   After a truly horrible day last Wednesday, I saw signs that training was starting to click, that things were improving, that there was light at the end of this teenage tunnel.

Yesterday we went back to Crazy Town.   It started with the snow.   My hardest task is not playing into the chaos and getting on the Crazy Town train, too.   The snow made Maverick giddy with energy and totally incapable of hearing anything.   I so wanted to be able to let him off leash, let him go zooming through the snow, run it out and play.   He can’t be trusted off leash just yet, though.

Max loved the snow.   Last March, we had our last snowstorm of the year.   I watched my recently diagnosed with cancer old boy run through the piles of snow, full of joy, young again and happy, smiling that Golden smile.   I watched with tears, thinking that if we were soon to lose him, he would have had one last snowstorm to play in.

Snow and memories, and a crazy puppy, all combined to put me in a dark place.   Maverick went there with me.   We had a 1/2 hour of cuddling, followed by a 1/2 hour of ankle biting, leash tug of war on a side hill in the snow, refusing to eat, refusing to nap, eating the walls, chewing the fur off any toy with any left, demand barking and general really obnoxious behavior.

I was very glad when the train out of Crazy Town arrived.    By evening, we were both worn out and sad.    Today we woke up with the sun shining, the snow melting, and the train to Crazy Town far away.    I think I’ll tear up the rails and maybe it will stay away.   🙂

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Napping

Posted on January 26, 2019 by suziecreamcheese

Napping is a wonderful thing.   I could get up at noon, and take a nap at 1, and then another at 3, and again at 5, and 7, and 9 and 11 and then go to bed at 1.    I love to sleep.   I am, as my mother once said, the Queen of Sleep.

However.    Maverick does not agree.    Apparently napping is the equivalent of having his toenails pulled out one by one.    It’s a major frustration for me.   I can see he’s tired.   I know he needs to nap for an hour or so.   He won’t go in his crate for me, and he’s now too big and strong for me to try to force him in – not that I would – and he’s too smart, he knows if I toss treats in, and he goes to get them, the door will close behind him.

I pretty much have to wait him out.   And pray that nothing moves or makes a sound,  and there are no doorbells on TV, and he’s finally settled and please let him sleep awhile!

We trained hard on “heel” yesterday.   It paid off when we went out to the field and he thought playing tug with the leash would be fun.   I told him to “circle” and signed for him to come around to my left, and holy carp, he did!    Then we did “forward” till he did his business, and back around and back home.    I think sometimes my husband thinks I’m nuts with the things I do for training – “you bought WHAT?”  at the can of spray cheese – but when  it works, it’s worth all the quizzical looks.

After a truly horrible day this week, I’m starting to see light at the end of this long, long tunnel

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Ignoring him

Posted on January 22, 2019 by suziecreamcheese

Someone will not settle down and someone needs a nap.   Maverick is the first, I think I’m the second.   I can deal with the “I will not take a nap” thing, most days.   What I can’t deal with is the whining.   This is new  – previously he’s barked at me for attention, or for his ball, and the only time he whined was when he really had to go potty, or when the ball was put away and he wanted to play.   Yesterday he started whining for attention.   This is not only annoying, it’s stressful – I don’t know why he’s doing it, I don’t know if he actually needs something – went potty 5 minutes ago, not that – has food in bowl, not hungry – played with ball for 20 minutes, over that.

So I’m attempting to ignore it.   Normally, when he’s tired, if I ignore him, he’ll finally take a nap.

So shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh – don’t make a noise!

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Puppies are so much fun

Posted on January 21, 2019 by suziecreamcheese

I’ve been up for 4 hours.    During that time, I’ve accomplished this much – I read a few pages about creating something for my class, I read emails for my class and I tossed a ball, endlessly tossed a ball, tossed a ball over and over and over.

That’s what I’ve done.    Because someone will not only NOT take a nap, he can’t be more than an inch away from me while he’s awake, unless he’s chasing the above mentioned ball.

I love this puppy.    I have loved him from the day he crawled into my lap and wrapped his paws around my arm and made me his.    But I could so seriously use a break sometimes.

I never had kids because I knew I was way too selfish for that.   I need me time, I am the princess and the high maintenance soul in this house.   It’s been a struggle for me to so rarely get that me time anymore.     I know he’ll outgrow the intense need to have the ball tossed constantly, that at some point he’ll learn to settle at my feet and once again I’ll have time to read, knit, write, whatever – without having a ball spit at me, and him barking in my face.

I’m not one to wish away time, except for Winter, that can go to Hell in a hot minute and be over now, every single year, but I really can’t wait for the day when he’s dog and not so much puppy.

Also, this is just me venting.   🙂

Training will commence when he wakes up – because he FINALLY gave in!

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Late nights and keyboard catastrophes

Posted on January 21, 2019 by suziecreamcheese

Note to self – do not attempt to edit your online courses after 2 am.

I teach online, and on campus.  I am an adjunct, which translates as “peon.”   I have basically no rights and nothing is guaranteed.   I was assigned two classes online and one on campus this semester.   There’s some work involved in getting a class ready to go, even if it’s one you’ve taught a hundred times.   Two weeks before the start of the semester, I got a phone call.  The Dean was calling to tell me that she had to take one of my online classes away because someone who is probably full-time needed one to fill out their contracted number.   I wasn’t happy, but there’s nothing I can do about it.   The sop that was thrown to me was a late start class – if enough students registered for it to run.   I’m a really good online instructor.  I don’t say that just because I like to pat myself on the back, I say it because of feedback I’ve gotten from students.  They love my class.   I put a lot of myself into it, I try to be very present, I try to make it as much like an on campus course as I can.   I really love my job.  So I kept watching the late start class and yay, there are enough students signed up that it will run.

Okay, that’s the good part.   The bad part is that I have a week to get everything in THAT class ready.   So last night, being the night owl and good professor I try to be, I spent an hour working in that class “shell” fixing dates.

Only problem was that I was in the wrong class.   I changed the dates in the class that started this week.

Ooops!   Many emails and messages came my way.   I fixed things as soon as I realized my mistake and handed out bonus points to make up for any stress caused by it.

I hope that the students will learn a couple of things.   First, even professors make mistakes.  Second, it’s not a bad thing to own up to those mistakes.   Third, if you ask someone what happened, instead of accusing, you get bonus points.   Bonus points are always a good thing, and measured in many ways.

My job is teaching accounting.   My vocation is teaching.

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Beginnings

Posted on January 14, 2019 by suziecreamcheese

It snowed last night.   It was only about an inch, there’s talk of a blizzard this weekend, and so my winter anxiety begins along with the talk of snow.

Classes start tomorrow.  I have an afternoon class this semester.  Afternoon classes tend to be more difficult than evening classes for me.   Maybe it’s because I’m a night owl, so a class that starts at noon is an early class for me.   Maybe it’s just a different mix of students – evening students tend to be older and more serious, day students tend to be younger and less interested in the subject, and more interested in their phones.

This isn’t a blanket description – some of my most difficult students have been women in their 40’s and one veteran who told me I couldn’t fail him because he was a veteran.   I respect and admire all those who serve and keep our country safe – but that doesn’t guarantee you an A in my class if you never show up, never do any homework and never take an exam.   Some of my best students have been millenials, those kids who are working hard every day and wondering why they don’t have what their parents and grandparents have – because no one has told them that you don’t get all the “stuff” till you’re in your 30’s or probably your 40’s, unless you’re really lucky.

But I do get a plethora of “Mom and Dad are paying my tuition and I don’t give a flip” students during the day.   I’m not terribly patient with them.   Put your damned phone down and pay attention, or don’t cry to me when you don’t understand the material that I covered 10 minutes ago while you were texting your friends about how boring this class is.

So I go into the first class with high hopes and the full expectation of those hopes being dashed by the second week.   Also, weather is predicted, something like 18 inches of snow for next Wednesday.   If that holds, we will have one week of classes, Monday off for MLK and probably Wednesday for snow.   I love starting off already behind!

Meanwhile, Maverick and I continue to work on heel in our own way.   He is very quick to get into position on my left side.   He is also very quick to grab treats from my hand when we go “forward.”   Baby steps – a few steps without a treat, around a corner, start over, and I’m a happy woman.

Also, 65 days till Spring!   Not that I’m counting!   (damn skippy I’m counting!)

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