A year ago, I was sleeping on the sofa, sleeping on the floor beside Max, barely sleeping, listening to him breathe, praying for one more week, one more day, one more ride in the car, one more Golden smile, one more of everything. A year ago, my friends came to see him, to say goodbye to the beautiful boy who brought us together, who made our lives so much brighter, who spread love with every wag of his tail and joy, so much joy. He drove me crazy at times, and I drove him just as crazy – “Just let me out so I can come back in, geesh!” – and through all the days, the bond we shared would never be broken.
I miss him, every day, every minute. He was gone in a moment. I fought for months and then …………..he was gone. My heart shattered. A million pieces, that will never be completely healed.
Two months of crushing sadness gave way to Maverick. Laughter filled the house again, most of the time. Sadness filled the corners. The whirlwind began – the Tiny Terror took over, all my time has been filled with him, worry over Max replaced by worry over this little one – memories of Max always there, seeing Max in Maverick, forgetting the bad days and remembering the good ones, trying to be the mom to Maverick that I tried to be, and often failed, with Max.
I tell Maverick every night, “I will love you forever.” And I whisper to Max, “I will love you forever, too. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. Always and forever.”