Suziecreamcheese Sings the Blues

I want to think that someday I’ll be able to see the videos of those planes flying into the Twin Towers and not be furious. I want to think that someday I won’t cry on the anniversary of this day. I want to think that someday I’ll be able to forgive the people who hate this country.

Today is not that day

I’m not that good a person

I will never forget how I felt before 9/11

I will never forget what freedom felt like before 15 days to flatten the curve

I will never forgive – and I may go down, but I’ll go down fighting

I’m about to get really political so if you don’t want to read it, consider yourself warned.

I’m not a child. I haven’t been a child for a lot of years.

I’m also not stupid. I have three degrees, one in English Lit and two in Accounting. I am not what you might call “uneducated.”

I know how to research. I’m pretty good at spotting bullshit. I’m also skeptical of anyone who says, “just trust me!” Yeah, not gonna happen. I think the older you get, at least for most of us, the less you trust the government, so when the government says, “trust us, this is safe, it’s great, it’s for the good of everyone,” I tend to go, “yeah, I kinda doubt that. Who’s making a profit off this?

About 18 months ago, my best friend and I attended a high school musical. We LOVE musicals and we love high school musicals because some of those kids are amazing – and some are so awful that we just can’t stop laughing. (I know, we’re horrible people, but we don’t laugh till we’re heading home so stop judging.) We went to the first on Friday evening – it was a very bad performance of Sister Act but we had a great time. I was starting a sore throat. I was sucking on cough drops and she was laughingly tell me to breathe on anyone but her. (This is one of the reasons we’re such good friends)

On Sunday, we went to our second show – Mary Poppins – which blew us away, it was truly amazing. I was still suffering from the sore throat, which had also turned into a random cough. I felt fine except I couldn’t talk much – always a problem for motor mouth moi – I assumed it was a cold and that was that. Colds aren’t all that contagious after a couple days anyway, so take your Vitamin C and shut up, Susan.

On Monday, the world shut down. Both of those musicals were packed, people almost in each other’s laps. I sat next to my friend’s 85 year old father. Not one person – read that again – NOT ONE PERSON – got sick.

By Tuesday, I was coughing a lot. I don’t get chest colds often, but other than the cough, sore throat and being tired, this felt like a normal cold. Wednesday, I took Maverick for a walk. We walked 1/2 mile, I struggled to get him in the car – I was exhausted, he was not – and was totally out of breath by the time I got in the driver’s seat. So I came home and called the doctor because by then we were all certain we were gonna get this Covid thing and die a horrible death. My husband told me later I sounded like his mom in the last days of emphysema. (Thanks for not sharing THAT till I was better!) The doctor – whom I trust completely – pronounced me suffering from bronchitis – something I get every 10 years or so – gave me meds and sent me away. A week later I was fine.

Two years ago I could walk into a store, coughing my brains out, and get sympathetic looks. No one asked for my vaccination status. No one asked if I’d been vaccinated against measles (no), mumps (no), or anything else. This was America. We were free, we did as we pleased for the most part, we lived our lives without a whole lot of fear or a whole lot of rules – sure, some of the rules we had didn’t make sense, but most of them did.

What

The

FUCK

Happened?

How the hell did we go from a nation of pretty damned independent people to THIS shit, where the “President” is going to MANDATE that I GET SOME FUCKING VACCINE that I DO NOT WANT and try to limit my rights if I choose to say no to him? Who the hell does he think he is??????????????

IF this thing had been tested the same way other vaccines have, over years, and IF this thing was even proven to work – see “breakthrough infections” – then I MIGHT consider it. It would be MY choice, not his. My parents are long dead. I don’t need a daddy telling me what to do. I am angry – and I am frustrated, because it feels like I’m shouting into the wind and no one is trying to stop this shit.

Where the hell are we going to end up?

I sometimes think I’ll just give up assigning homework because, to be perfectly honest, which I always am here, I hate grading the stuff. It take up my entire Sunday and I’d much rather be doing things like sewing or making bracelets (new craft addiction here, stretchy bracelets), or reading something other than the text for the new class I’m prepping – that’s a whole nuther blog post.

But alas, I assigned a short paper and a short “go to this website and read the page and answer 7 questions” paper. Not a lot, but I have a plethora of students. (I used that word in one of my remote classes and one of my students used it in an email later. I was so proud! Hey, someone was actually listening!)

I recently read a book titled The Rent Collector. I should really blog a review but grading – you know. It was a truly wonderful book, get it. I said so.

Maverick has an upper respiratory infection. It’s not kennel cough, it’s some nasal drip and sneezing. He’s on meds, but seems to be feeling perfectly fine. He has been banned from daycare for a bit, so Mommah’s not happy. Nor is he. However, he isn’t teaching five classes and praying for good weather so he can be outside and not a major distraction during said classes, which would not have been undertaken had Mommah known that he was going to be home during the class meeting times. The words “shit shit shit” and “fuck fuck fuck” have been uttered loudly and fequently this past week. (I am very grateful that he’s not sick, that he’s getting better, just annoyed that this happened now)

I don’t think anyone teaches students how to figure things out anymore. Also, I don’t think they teach basic grammar. I just graded a paper in which a student said someone didn’t have no experience doing something. And you, child, don’t have no idea that’s wrong. What?

Maverick had to get his second bath in two weeks today. That’s what happens when you play in the mud, Little One. Yes, he is still “Little One.” Had you ever seen Max, you would know why he was “Monster Boy” and this kid is “Little One.” There’s about a 30 lb difference between the two. That’s one of many differences by the way, but I love this little terror equally as much as I love his angel brother.

And it seems that daycare will be closed for two weeks. I guess I need to go check the liquor cabinet

I keep seeing this post on Facebook about the vaccines.

It’s driving me nuts, so I fixed it.

Original:

A friend of mine posted this and it hit the nail on the head for me so I decided to repost it…..I’m vaccinated and, no, I don’t know what’s in it -this vaccine, the ones I had as a child, nor in the Big Mac, or in hot dogs, or in other treatments…whether it’s for cancer, AIDS, the new shingles vaccine, or vaccines for infants or children. I trust my doctor when he says it’s needed. I also don’t know what’s in Ibuprofen, Tylenol, or other meds, it just cures headaches & my pains …I don’t know what’s in the ink for tattoos, vaping, or every ingredient in my soap or shampoo or even deodorants. I don’t know the long term effect of cell phone use or whether or not that restaurant I just ate at REALLY used clean foods and washed their hands.In short …There’s a lot of things I don’t know and never will… I just know one thing: life is short, very short, and I still want to do something other than just going to work every day or staying locked in my home. I still want to travel and hug people without fear and find a little feeling of life “before”.As a child and as an adult I’ve been vaccinated for mumps, measles, rubella, polio, chicken pox, and quite a few others; my parents and I trusted the science and never had to suffer through or transmit any of the said diseases … just saying.I am vaccinated, respect my choice …I’m vaccinated, not to please the government but:* To not die from Covid-19.* To NOT clutter a hospital bed if I get sick.* To hug my loved ones * To Not have to do PCR or antigenic tests to go out dancing, go to a restaurant, go on holidays and many more things to come …* To live my life.* To have my kids/grandkids go back to school and play sports. * For Covid-19 to be an old memory.* To protect us.Text copied, you can too.

My version, with my changes bolded

A friend of mine posted this and it hit the nail on the head for me so I decided to repost it….. but I decided to fix it first

I’m not vaccinated because I don’t know what’s in it -this vaccine.

The ones I had as a child – I can research and find out what’s in them, or I can ask my doctor and I’m pretty sure he’ll give me a print out that lists all the ingredients and possible side effects. 

I don’t know what’s in the Big Mac, or in hot dogs, or in other treatments…whether it’s for cancer, AIDS, the new shingles vaccine, or vaccines for infants or children but again, I can ask my doctor and I’m pretty sure he’ll be able to tell me.   I trust my doctor when he says it’s needed.

I also don’t know what’s in Ibuprofen, Tylenol, or other meds, it just cures headaches & my pains, but those meds come with a package insert that tells me what’s in them and what possible side effects are. 

I don’t know what’s in the ink for tattoos, vaping, but I’m not dumb enough to do either of those things,  or every ingredient in my soap or shampoo or even deodorants but if I bother to read the packages, the ingredients are all listed.   I don’t know the long term effect of cell phone use- but I can research and make a decision based on that research –  or whether or not that restaurant I just ate at REALLY used clean foods and washed their hands –they probably didn’t but I have an immune system that’s stronger than a little bit of dirt.

In short …

There’s a lot of things I don’t know and never will…

I just know one thing: life is short, very short, and I still want to do something other than just going to work every day or staying locked in my home. I still want to travel and hug people without fear and find a little feeling of life “before”.  And I don’t think the government or anyone else has the right to tell me that I can’t do that.

As a child and as an adult I’ve been vaccinated for mumps, measles, rubella, polio, chicken pox, and quite a few others; my parents and I trusted the science and never had to suffer through or transmit any of the said diseases … just saying.  I was never vaccinated for most of those things and yet here I am – still kicking

I am NOT vaccinated, please respect my choice.   If you ARE vaccinated, you should be safe from me, so please stop with the shaming and discrimination.   

There, I fixed it.

Last semester I taught 5 classes. Over the summer, I taught two and took one. My college decided to divide what used to be a 16 week couse into 2 “mini-mesters” of 7 weeks each, splitting the course work in half and totally changing the curriculum, 3 semesters ago. This effectively increased my workload without increasing my paycheck, but hey, I’m just an adjunct so I shut up and take the crumbs they offer.

The class I took was 12 weeks – so the entire summer – and it was one ton of work, but I loved it. The classes I taught were 6 weeks each, because summer classes are always shorter.

I had two weeks off.
Tomorrow is my last day till the next round begins. Again, I have five classes. Three are remote and two are totally virtual. I didn’t care for remote at first, but with masking rules and distancing rules (which have worked SO well to end this pandemic – 15 days to flatten the curve, people!) and plastic barriers and “are you vaccinated, you uncaring piece of shit?” I’m happy to be home, in my dining room, where no one cares if I’ve even showered as long as the parts of me that are visible on camera are presentable.

(This is actually quite astonishing, since I was raised by a woman who never left the house without being dressed appropriately, who wore an apron every time she cooked – which is something I’m starting to realize was a really good idea – and who would be totally appalled at the idea of me teaching a college class while wearing shorts.) (They can’t see my legs) (I wear my diamonds, does that count, Mother?) )

I planned to read and sew for two weeks. I didn’t sew as much as I wanted, I did finish 3 cloth books for the sweetest baby ever born, and I finished knitting a scarf, and read three books. I may just have to blog about those books later.

And now it’s Saturday night. I spent half of today in bed, sleeping off a UTI, and the other half on the lawn swing, reading. It was hot and Maverick was being a dipshidiot, and I was just exhausted by life – I climbed into a book and didn’t come out for a few hours – looked around, saw nothing had changed, and climbed into the next.

Tomorrow is my last day before the crazies begin again. I’ll take Maverick for a walk, and write up a welcome message for students who won’t read it, double check dates in my classes because if there’s one that’s wrong, they’ll be sure to point it out, and then maybe just read all day. Or finish the apron I started sewing – because Hazel was right.

Last night I was perusing Amazon because I had ordered A Tree Grows In Brooklyn (thanks, Kristi) and “based on my reading preferences” a book called American Dirt was suggested for me.

https://www.amazon.com/American-Dirt-Novel-Jeanine-Cummins-ebook/dp/B07QQLCZY1/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=american+dirt&qid=1629566998&sr=8-1

I’ve seen this book recommended in reading groups so I decided to check the reviews. It’s been described as “this generation’s Grapes of Wrath.” I’ve never read that one either. How the hell I graduated college with a degree in English lit escapes me. I digress. I tend to read reviews before I buy books, and I start normally with the one stars. I always do this with anything that’s been hyped up – I want to see what real people think about it, although I know that not every review on Amazon is real.

Most of the reviews were good, saying that it wasn’t as good as the hype, but most were okay. I had decided from the reviews that it wasn’t really my type of book and would give it a pass, when I came upon a review that made me pause. I honestly didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. The book is about Mexican immigrants, their struggles in crossing the border, why they came to America, and what happens once they’re here. It was written by a white woman.

This reviewer said, (I paraphrase) that she was loving the book, truly enjoying it and then discovered it was written by a white woman. She immediately put it down and got a book written by a “Chicanx” author.

What.

The

Actual

Fuck?

You gave up an enjoyable experience simply because of the color of the author’s skin? How the fuck does one wrap one’s brain into such a twist that they can justify this?

I am living in the Twilight Zone, more and more every day. It’s rare that I know the lineage of an author. It’s sometimes a guess as to the author’s name if it’s a book I’m just reading for light entertainment – and if you ask me a year later who wrote a specific book, I’d probably have to look it up. (In my defense, I read a lot – close to 100 books a year)

I read for enjoyment. If I like a story, I read it. If not, I give up on it – that’s rare but it has happened, I just hate to not finish a book. I’ve never chosen a book based on the author’s sex, religion, or ancestry.

To say that someone can’t write about any culture other than their own is a form of censorship, in my view. If that’s the rule, I can only ever tell a story about an old white woman with a Golden Retriever, but I can’t mention anything that dog might be thinking because I’m not a dog, nor can I talk about the experiences of the lady down the road because she’s 17 years older than me, or the dear sweet child you all know as Peachy, or about my husband because he’s a guy and I’m not, no matter how you identify gender these days.

How limiting! How utterly stupid! Not only limiting to the author, but limiting to the reader – if you can only choose authors based on your prejudices – and this is as much racism as saying I’d never read a book by a black author – how will you ever learn anything?

I’m watching the “news” in disbelief. The Taliban is again in control in Afghanistan. The Talilban hates women. All the gains the women have made over the past years will be destroyed in one fell swoop. Women will be forced into burkas, raped, beaten, killed by men and nothing will be done about it, they have no recourse, they are owned by the men.

I am sick. I am also livid. I sincerely hope that all the people who are so in favor of the actions of the current occupant of the White House are watching this.

I don’t know how he can look in the mirror.

Where are all the women’s rights groups? Why am I not hearing them screaming about this?

What about the children? The little girls who thought they had a chance for a real life, will they ever trust the word of the United States again? Will anyone?

Meanwhile, the Vice President is tweeting about broadband access. Will someone wake me up when sanity returns?

Every single person who voted for this man has blood on their hands. But hey, you don’t have to read mean tweets!

No, Maverick doesn’t have it. Geesh, people, settle down.

Maverick goes to daycare. It’s the best thing that has ever happened with him, he comes home still with energy but it wears off after about an hour and he settles. He’s a very demanding, and very needy, kid, so when he’s home all day, and I’m home all day, he thinks that means that I’m at his beck and call all day.

He is very spoiled. Yes, my fault entirely, shutty. He will bark at me until I give him what he wants – this has been changing, I’m starting to leave the room and shut the door behind me when he does this.

He also has no concept of settle down. If someone is awake and moving, so is he. Every minute is a party to most Golden Retrievers. Maverick is ready to play any time you move.

So he goes to daycare, and he gets to play all day and I get a break, and life is good for both of us. It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with him, but I am basically an introvert who can only take so much interaction with people – and yeah, I’m good at it, but – I need to decompress, be by myself, not have to react. So after a few hours of constant Maverick attention, I need some peace.

He went a week ago for his normal shots. I mentioned to Dr. Dave that he was going to daycare, at which point Dr. Dave asked if he’d had his kennel cough vaccine. It seems that Bordatella, the technical name for kennel cough, is highly contagious. He’d never had the vaccine. (I’m assuming this is NOT the Delta variant of Bordatella, or he’d have to get the experimental jab and I’d be saying no)

However, like experimental jab, when a dog is given this vaccine, he (or she, shutty) sheds it for two weeks. Hence, he can’t be around other dogs for this period of time because they could catch it from him, even though he doesn’t have the actual virus. (Does this all sound strangely familiar?)

Maverick is home for two weeks. We’re on day 10 of what will actually be a 16 day quarantine. Next year, when he has to get this vaccine again, I’m booking a vacation.

When you work from home, each day seems pretty much the same. And when you teach from home, the weekend is just the time you catch up on grading and student emails, so it’s not really all that different from any other day except the Bear is home all day and the TV is on all day (I don’t turn it on when he’s not home).

I have homework to do and I don’t want to. It’s the last two chapters of PowerPoint and then the class is done, and I was cooking along till I realized that this isn’t due till next week. I’ve been perusing the “news” and see that the Mayor of NYC has decided to make restaurant owners, gym owners and others into vaccine police. His statement that NYC has a lot of great stuff to offer but “you can’t play in our sandbox if you don’t get jabbed!” (my words, not his, exactly, but the same sentiment) made me laugh.

Dude, I’ve BEEN to NYC and trust me, it ain’t all that. Yeah, there’s some cool stuff to do there, but is there REALLY that much that you can’t do in any city? I want to visit the 9/11 memorial at some point but I’ve lived this long without doing that, I guess it won’t kill me if I don’t get there.

I’ve worked retail. The thought of confronting people and demanding to see their papers – nope, I didn’t get paid near enough for that. I once almost had my head torn off for asking a guy if he was a senior citizen – we gave a discount – geesh, I was supposed to know he was only 45? He looked like he had one foot in the grave, seriously! There isn’t enough incentive for anyone to ask people for their “papers.”

And if they should be brave enough to do so, how many (hopefully lots) will just turn around and leave? It hasn’t been hard enough for small businesses to survive lately, let’s make it even harder!

We’ve been hearing all along that it’s far more difficult for people of color and poor people to get this jab than it is for others. So let’s just make life more difficult for them too! Isn’t that racist? Isn’t that segregation at the highest level?

If we don’t stand up to this nonsense, I fear for our country.

Driving home from the park today, I turned on the radio. I usually don’t because I like to just drive and enjoy the scenery but Maverick is banned from daycare for two weeks – kennel cough vaccine – sheds for two weeks so he could infect other dogs – so we went to the big park today and walked a mile and a half. This is half my usual, but he decided at 1.4 miles that he was done, planted himself beneath a tree, and panted like he was about to keel over. (It was barely 70 degrees out, he got a drink of water and after a bit was able to meander to the car. Can we say “drama queen?” (He informs me he is not a queen, by the way)

To drown out the panting from the back seat – I did mention drama, right – I turned on the radio. The big news was the expiration of the ban on evictions. I sympathize with people who are struggling now. Shutting down the economy for all those months was brutal – so many people suffered. Most landlords, in my experience, are people who have bought a second home and rent it out in the hopes that someday, it will be paid off, and then will actually generate income, but in the meantime are using the rent payments to pay the mortgage and any other bills that go along with upkeep on that property. There seems to be a picture of landlords as all filthy rich tyrants who can go years without collecting rent and while I’m sure there are plenty of those, I’m sure there are plenty of just regular people trying to get by.

For the filthy rich, this ban was no problem. For the regular guy, it has been. The bills still needed to be paid, and for all the talk of mortgage payments being delayed, we never saw that here (we don’t own a second property, we’re paying on our home). Where were they supposed to get the money to pay those bills?

Now the people who haven’t paid rent in over a year are in danger of becoming homeless. The sympathetic part of me feels bad for them. But another part of me is asking – what did they do with the money they would have been using for rent for this past 18 months? What did they do with the extra money they got from the government (yes, almost all of us got the checks, not judging there)? Did they think they were never going to have to pay the rent again? They could have saved the normal rent payment and at least earned some interest on it. Or they could have invested it and earned even more.

Yet we’re meant to feel sorry for them. I’m having a hard time doing that. Maybe it’s because I know people who chose to not pay rent, even though they could well afford it, knowing that they couldn’t be kicked out, and spent the money on themselves. Maybe it’s because I know some of those smaller landlords who have been forced to sell out to huge companies who run multiple rentals. (And do you think those are going to let anyone off the hook for past rent?)

It’s a mess. And I can’t help but wonder if this is an example of socialism in action.