February got me again

I hate Winter.

This is not news

I was doing okay till February.   We didn’t have hardly any snow.   We were just moseying along, waiting for the flowers and the grass to come back, hanging in there.

I have just written one of the worst sentences I ever wrote.

And then February hit.   It’s been one storm after another, with the drama this creates.    Weather boards on facebook have become worse than soap operas.   The amateurs take over after the pros go to bed.    It’s a clusterfuck of epic proportions.

It’s so cold that I can’t stand to be outside for more than a few minutes and Max doesn’t seem to understand that IT’S FREAKIN COLD OUT!   He wants out constantly, and that means that the door is open and the ice forms on the inside of it and it’s freakin cold in the house.

 

Can I just please sleep till April?   #countingthedaystillSpring

Posted in Max, my life, Uncategorized, weather | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Weather, whether you like it or not

I hate Winter.  Everyone who knows me knows how much I hate winter because I complain about it from November till March.   And then I complain about how much I’m not looking forward to it for the rest of the year.

I used to read several weather pages online.  They gave forecasts, people commented about how much they hated snow or loved snow, and drove me crazy with “BRING IT!” comments, and “we love you so much!” comments, but I could deal with those.  This year it seems that all the amateurs have come out of the woodwork, and they’re posting models and discussing their theories and going into great detail about the science behind these models and trying to sound like they know what they’re talking about.

I don’t care about all that shit.  Give me the forecast, no hype, no hoohaw – is it gonna snow or not and if so, how much?

So tonight I unfollowed all of them.  I’ll stick to the local news guy – he tells me what’s gonna happen tomorrow and not 2 weeks from now.   Maybe it will alleviate some of my stress.   I can only hope so.

Posted in my life | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Decisions

I hate making decisions.   Snow forces me to make decisions.    Predictions for a week from now force me to make decisions a week in advance.   I don’t like changing my routine.   I go shopping for groceries on Thursdays, but since it’s snowing now – Wednesday – I probably won’t be able to go tomorrow because I won’t be able to get back up the driveway till Friday.

Okay, I could go Friday.   It’s supposed to snow Friday night.   That means the stores will be batshit on Friday.  Happy happy no joy.   Sigh.

Not being content with stressing me out three days in advance, they’re also talking about Monday.

I hate Winter.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Stories

My parents never wrote their life stories.   I wish they had, I feel like there was so much I didn’t know and never will.

But I’ve never written mine.   Will anyone care when I’m gone?    It’s a strange thought, being gone – so I’ve decided that instead of being worried and frightened by it, I’m making my list of the people I’m going to haunt.   It’s not really long right now, but I just started thinking about it.  I’m sure it will grow with time.

I’ve thought about writing my story – but would anyone really want to read it?   I can’t imagine they would.   There’s been way too much drama in my life, but I doubt it’s of interest to anyone but those who participated.   Their stories are likely far different from mine.

I think about writing more than I do it.   I think it would be nice to sit down and write and write and have something wonderful to show for it.   I think it would be nice to have done that, but I don’t have the dedication and discipline to do it.

I think I just get overwhelmed with the number of things I could write about.  Max.  My husband.  My friends and the silly things we do.  The witchy things we do.   I just don’t know where to start – or where to stop.

Posted in my life | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

if you want to piss me off

tell me to lighten up

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Christmas

The good thing is that there are people who love me, people I’ve never actually met, but who have allowed me to share their lives, to love their children, and who have made me smile when I really wanted to just curl up into a ball.    They know who they are, and I’m not sure they know how much they’ve meant to me, but I know and that’s all that matters.

I have been blessed with a husband who loves me when I’m at my worst, and at my best, who puts up with me when I’m in full out tantrum mode, and supports me when I’m feeling like I can’t make it through another day.

I’ve been blessed with a dog who is better than I deserve.   He is an angel on this earth, and from none of my doing.   He drives me nuts, more times than not, with his antics and quirks, but the love I feel for him is beyond any love I’ve ever felt for anyone other than my husband.

I’ve been blessed with an awakening knowledge of who and what I am, and I’ve embraced my witchiness more than ever – and it feels good.   It feels great.

I have a beautiful home, a house that is full of us, full of the memories and laughter and tears we’ve shed in the past 8 years,  a house that I dreamed of and never thought would be mine.

I have a husband whose heart has been hurt this year, by his son and by the decisions that son has made.  His heart is broken daily by the inability of his grandchildren to connect with him and by their lack of desire to climb the walls he’s built.   My heart, hardened by years of intereactions with family members who would hug me only to be sure they were aiming the knife correctly, is fine.  I cut this boy out when I found out how he really felt about me.  His father, as much as he seems like a tough guy at times, can’t do that, so I cry for the pain inflicted on him.

My wish for this year is to heal those hurts.   I don’t know if I can, but I can try.

Posted in my life | Tagged , | Leave a comment

I want a cake

It’s my birthday

I want a cake

I want candles

I want a party

I’ll get a card from my husband

And a present – from my husband

And I’m grateful for that

But I miss birthday cakes with candles and parties

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Some good, some bad, some strange, some ugly

The good – we seem to be starting a business.  It started as fun, making sugar scrubs to use ourselves and give to friends.   And then my friend said, “we could sell these,” and I replied with, “we could totally sell these!”  and so it started.    Two white witches, playing in the kitchen – the magic was wild and the giggles, and silliness, and joy, were just about visible.  The scrubs are pretty amazing, too.

The bad – I’m stressing about family stuff.

The strange – I seem to be part of three again.   I am always one of three, or one of me.   I’ve been one of me for a long time.   I didn’t realize how much I missed the three till my friend said, ” this person wants to meet you, she wants to be three again, and she wants you to be a part of it.”  YES!   I didn’t even hesitate.   Yes, we are three.   Joy, light, peace – this is what we bring.

The ugly – if one more person posts a picture of that damned puppy-sized spider, I may puke.   I know I’ll be having nightmares for the next week.   Ever hear of a trigger warning, assholes?

Posted in my life | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Autumn

What we think it will be:

Crisp days, cool nights, leaves turning beautiful colors

Fires in the fireplace

Long, cozy nights, reading by the fire

Knitting warm snuggly things

Drinking hot chocolate

What is really is:
damp, cold days that make my bones ache

leaves falling off the trees and rotting in piles, or needing to be raked – which in turn, makes my bones ache

fires that smoke and fill the house with soot, wood that has to be hauled inside, ashes that have to be hauled out, wood smoke making it hard to breathe, and carrying all that stuff – makes my bones ache

Knitting a couple of pairs of mittens before the cracks in my fingers start to bleed and make it hurt to knit

Hot chocolate gives me a migraine

And the best part – it’s just a precursor to Winter.  Winter makes my bones ache, my body ache, and my head ache.

Posted in my life, weather | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Friendship

There’s a word whose meaning has changed greatly in the past few years.

It used to be that someone was your friend because you liked that person, you had things in common, you did stuff together, you made each other happy.

Now it’s someone who knows someone who knows you and clicked that little button on facebook.   You can’t say no, because then they’ll want to know why you don’t want to be friends.   You don’t want to say yes, because you really don’t know the person, but you do it anyway, to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings.    

People grew apart, didn’t see each other every day, stayed friends – or at least felt some affection for each other even if contact was minimal.    That was part of life  People change, they don’t like the same things they did years ago, and they may like you in small doses.   I have friends I see rarely, speak to once a month, call or text on occasion.   I know people who are annoying in even small doses – and they probably feel the same way about me.   

And yet, they’re “friends” of mine.   Daily, they post updates, often several times.  It’s like getting endless phone calls to tell me that there’s a bird on the bush outside.   Thanks, there’s some information I couldn’t live without today.   

Then there are the cartoons.   Endless cartoons about how bad ass they are, what bitches they are, their road rage and their impatience.   Trust me, we know all this.  Posting it on facebook every day does not make you a bad ass.  It makes you someone trying to convince other people that you’re a bad ass.   

 Or they post recipes.    There’s this handy site called pinterest that lets you collect things like recipes and patterns and cute little sayings, all in one place, so you can find them later, and you don’t aggravate your “friends” with them.

But that’s another topic.   Friends –  once they’re on that list, you can’t get rid of them without hurt feelings.   It’s not just one way, I was recently “unfriended” and it pissed me off for days.   Weeks!   I proceeded to block the offender, if he doesn’t wish to be my friend, he has no reason to see my posts.    So there.  

It’s still Summer.  I don’t want to think about Winter.   I don’t want someone telling me how close it is, or how many days to Christmas, or how bad the weather is going to be because they saw a three headed toad and that means we’ll get 4 feet of snow on Columbus Day.    If someone said these things to me, I’d tell them to knock it off, and it’s doubtful we’d be friends for long.   But facebook, oh, that wonderful thing – it’s not so easy.   

Is it worth the stress to be connected to people I don’t really like that much?   I don’t think so.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment