Christmas

The good thing is that there are people who love me, people I’ve never actually met, but who have allowed me to share their lives, to love their children, and who have made me smile when I really wanted to just curl up into a ball.    They know who they are, and I’m not sure they know how much they’ve meant to me, but I know and that’s all that matters.

I have been blessed with a husband who loves me when I’m at my worst, and at my best, who puts up with me when I’m in full out tantrum mode, and supports me when I’m feeling like I can’t make it through another day.

I’ve been blessed with a dog who is better than I deserve.   He is an angel on this earth, and from none of my doing.   He drives me nuts, more times than not, with his antics and quirks, but the love I feel for him is beyond any love I’ve ever felt for anyone other than my husband.

I’ve been blessed with an awakening knowledge of who and what I am, and I’ve embraced my witchiness more than ever – and it feels good.   It feels great.

I have a beautiful home, a house that is full of us, full of the memories and laughter and tears we’ve shed in the past 8 years,  a house that I dreamed of and never thought would be mine.

I have a husband whose heart has been hurt this year, by his son and by the decisions that son has made.  His heart is broken daily by the inability of his grandchildren to connect with him and by their lack of desire to climb the walls he’s built.   My heart, hardened by years of intereactions with family members who would hug me only to be sure they were aiming the knife correctly, is fine.  I cut this boy out when I found out how he really felt about me.  His father, as much as he seems like a tough guy at times, can’t do that, so I cry for the pain inflicted on him.

My wish for this year is to heal those hurts.   I don’t know if I can, but I can try.

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