Suziecreamcheese Sings the Blues

One of my friends posted something on Facebook the other day about finding the “glimmers” in life, the litte moments that are special, that make you smile, that light up your day.

It made me think. There are so many little moments that we just smile, and then forget about. Life is full of sadness at times. I’ve lost so many people, some to death, some have followed different paths, some have turned their backs. And still, there are moments of joy, moments of happiness, moments of pure love in my life.

Today I ran errands with Maverick. We went to pay the property taxes (NOT a moment of joy, that one! Ouch!) Then we went to the beer store because one needs beer to navigate this crazy world. Our next stop was the little corner grocery store. It changed ownership a few years ago, and I was not happy. i don’t deal well with change. However, they’ve managed to retain the character of the place while making some necessary repairs and upgrades so I’ll still shop there. They also have the best cold cuts around. (The first time I told the Bear I got him cold cuts for lunch, he looked at me like I was speaking Mandarin. it’s “lunch meat” round here!)

The first time I got the above mentioned “cold cuts” at this store, I went to the deli counter, looked at the line, and asked where the number thingie was. I’m from NY, you take a damned number at the deli counter. The people in line looked confused. “We just take our turn” I was told. I was skeptical. I watched to see who came in after me, knowing that someone would push forwards. Well, When I found the Bear later, I was still in shock. “There are no numbers! No one jumped the line! Everyone was polite!” He couldn’t understand why I was so gobsmacked. I’d never seen such behavior!

This has not changed. People are still incredibly polite at that counter and that, in itself, is a moment of joy. People also tend to chat about their purchases. “You’re getting the farmer cheese? How IS that? I’ve never tried it!” Today the lady ahead of me was getting liverwurst. Liverwurst is not sliced, they cut a chunk. It’s nasty stuff, the last time I bought it was when Maverick had to take pills and even he wouldn’t eat it after a few times. However, I thought I’d get some and try to freeze little balls and take to traiing classes. So I said to the lady, “Is that liverwurst?” She said yes. I asked what she planned to do with it, because dog training is always on my mind and I love to talk about it. She said she was going to make liverwurst and onion sandwhiches, which are, in her words, truly disgusting but she really wanted one.

My sister Betty, who died 30 some years ago, LOVED liverwurst and onion sandwiches and would torment me with them. (THey really are disgusting) I smiled, memories washing over me, and told the lady, “Oh my gosh, you just made me remember my sister, and I’m going to smile all day! Thank you!” She lit up, and thanked me.

Glimmers. Look for them, they’re all around us.

The Bear has bronchitis. This is not news, he gets it twice a year. This time he listened to me and contacted the doctor immediately, so he had meds the next morning and is on his way back to as normal as he’ll ever be.

However.

Sharing is caring. Or so they say. I will be heading to CVS later to pick up MY meds. Love is grand, isn’t it?

In other news, Maverick is rocking the tricks from the first week of training class. We start that class on the 18th, but I audited with my friend so I have all the lessons and we’re “pretraining.” (The instructors are aware of this. Because of Maverick’s anxiety issues, I have chosen this class to help build his confidence and we’ve discussed that having him know the routine when he gets to the class will help with that) Last night, after the wicked storm passed and Toto had landed in Oz and the Wicked Witch had been pulled from beneath the house, we worked on “spin and twirl” with an added filip of a bow. Then we did some “paws up” on a box, but we really need a sturdier box for that. We did “get in the box and sit” – he does that one with quite the “let’s get this over with” attitude. And we worked on “stand” because that’s one cue he doesn’t really know.

All of this was done during commercials – one of my favorite movies was on AMC – True Lies with Jamie Lee Curtis and Arnold Schwarzenegger (however you spell that). I will never stop laughing at the gun rolling down the stairs or “You’re fired” or best of all, “THE BRIDGE IS OUT!” During this time, my BFF and I were texting each other the next best line. Yup, we’re that silly. (You should see it when Princess Bride is playing.)

I’m going to see the Barbie movie as soon as I stop feeling like I got hit by a truck. (Thanks, Bear) I wasn’t planning on this, but one of my friends saw it (I’m looking at you, Peachy) and another of our friends got a bit heated about how horrible it is, so I now feel that I need to make up my own mind about it. I frequently see people being accused of following the prevailing opinion about something – and I know I’m often guilty of that as well – so I’m making an effort to not do that so much. I was going today but, yeah, that truck knocked me out.

And in other news – I’ve been having some weird ass dreams lately and I think this house needs a major sweep with sage or something!

This week has kicked my ass. Well, more accurately – Maverick has kicked my ass. We’ve been in training classes for months. The last one was called Improving Manners – neither of us has any so I thought it might help. It may have helped him, I still burp randomly in public but I see no reason to stop that, it keeps strangers away. The last class required us to do a modified rally course. (This means we walked from one cone to the next and did whatever the attached sign said) Maverick did much better than anyone expected, but when he was finished, he was entirely finished and hauled me back to our spot – I mean HAULED me. In the process, he pulled my body into a shape it wasn’t meant for. But we finished the course, and the class, and progress was made – small steps that might seem minor to some but with Maverick, I’ve learned to celebrate every small victory.

During the class we did before this one, I went to NY for 10 days. I didn’t want him to miss a week, so I asked my friends to take him. Seems this was a big mistake, he started to develop anxiety about being there and it got progressively worse over the next couple of weeks. Then we were off for a month, and when we started another class, he was unable to focus on anything except getting out of there. Thank goodness, we have a great instructor, who has worked with us for the past 7 weeks to help with him over this hump, and while we’re not there yet, we’ve come a long way from the dog who shook and whined the entire first class and did nothing but lick his paw. For us to be able to do the rally course, even though we wouldn’t get a medal for our performance by any standards, was a major win.

So now we have a month off again. We’re doing Tricks class next. I have all the materials and we’re working on everything before class starts. Our theory is that this will help him grow confidence, he’s going into class knowing how to do everything asked of him.

Meanwhile my body will heal, yet again. And at some point today, Maverick will choose to poop at home because not only is my body messed up, so is his car.

In other news, I’m fighting with a ball of yarn that I felt needed to be used and last night decided I had way too much yarn to spend any more time with this recalcitrant mess so it’s going in the “someday” basket and I believe I’ll start a c2c blanket from some of the baby yarn I discovered when I did a deep dive into the yarn closet

A good friend of mine works for Walmart, and whenever fabric gets clearanced, he scoops up all that he can. A few years ago, he got 73 fat quarters for me, at an incredibly reduced price. This year, it was two trash bags full – mostly Christmas prints but a few Fall type prints. I’m not a big fan of the color orange, but this print caught my eye and I decided to make a little nine square with some pale orange I had in the stash. To my surprise, I liked it.

It obviously needed a good trim but this was just a sample. There was also some sort of pumpkin type print that seemed like it would go along with the above. I had hit JoAnn Fabrics for a couple of shades of orange and sort of burgundy and played with the pumpkins. (Isn’t my 2 1/2 inch square ruler adorable, by the way?)

Then I found some sunflower prints in the pile. Sunflowers and pumpkins? Well the colors are close and in a quilt, this could work!

I watched a YouTube video about half square triangles. This was the result. I think I’m in love with these things, so after the above orange quilt, there might be something else in the works!

Sewing has become my peace. Playing with fabric and organizing all my stuff is therapy. I feel like I don’t do a whole lot right lately, but I can manage to put two pieces of fabric together and make something that isn’t too ugly.

I’ll be in the craft room. My “I don’t care” button is pushed all the way down, so unless it’s a major emergency, I probaly won’t emerge for awhile. Talk amongst yourselves till I pop my head out. 🙂

Five years ago, we brought home a little red bundle of fur, who squirmed in my arms the entire car ride. He really was NOT a fan of car rides, then or now. Oh, the plans I had for him. Promptly nicknamed “Little One” because he was so much smaller than Max, who had been known as “Monster Boy” for most of his life, and because I knew, from the moment I saw him, that this one was a young soul, a child who would never really grow up.

Max was an old soul, a peaceful, gentle giant, who was quite content, even as a puppy, to lay in my arms for hours and just snuggle and be loved. Maverick let it be known early on that he was most definitely NOT on board with that behavior.

Five years have passed, and oh how we’ve grown. I was used to Mr. Serious and suddenly I was living with Robin Williams. On speed.

I was under the impression, before Maverick, that one gets a dog, one does some training of the dog to sit, roll over, lay down, and don’t drag you around. Maverick has yet to stop laughing at how little I knew. His job, apparently, has been to teach me that there is a great deal to learn about dogs, and that being a honey badger is a wonderful thing at times. He is a comedian, a rebel, and when he has to be, he can be the sweetest, most intuitive dog you’ve ever met. He hates it when I say that. He, like me, would much prefer being seen as the one who makes you laugh and not the one who may or may not be a marshmallow under all that honey badger exterior. (That does not describe me in any way, by the way. I am totally honey badger to the bone.)

At any rate, it’s been a wild and crazy five years. May the next 15 be just as much fun. (And yes, I expect him to live to 20)

Tonight Maverick and I, with a great deal of help from my good friend B, finished our second training class. This one was called FOCUS, something we greatly lack. I went into it with the attitude that we were going to have fun, learn as much as we could, and if we had to repeat it, so be it. It was a fun class, we did a lot of work, it was intense and a lot but it was, indeed, fun. And no, we won’t repeat it. We will continue to work on the things that are applicable to us, however.

There was a lot of stuff about crate training. We haven’t used a crate in 4 years, so that was all good for the people with younger dogs but not reallly for us. I turned it into “mat” training instead – when the instructor would say to send the dogs into their crates, I would send Maverick to his mat. Honestly, with all the crap that we carried into the classes, I can’t imagine adding a crate!

We did some rally type work, a lot of “watch me” and “leave it” – we need work on that. We need work on all the things! But we made progress. It might not have been a lot of progress, but it was enough.

I learned many things:

• feed Maverick some of his meal before class or he’s too hungry to focus
• don’t keep using his name – tell him what you want him to do
• clickers are pretty awesome
• I need to practice patience
• It’s more often my fault than his when we screw up
• Me leaving for several days set us back several weeks
• He really likes tricks
• we will be in classes for the rest of our lives – going to training classes has made a difference for us, and although Maverick is still anxious and overwhelmed a bit, we’re learning and even when progress seems slow, there IS some progress

Maverick had the best trick tonight . We did a “spin, twirl, take a bow.” The others did “roll over.” Maverick says that “BOOOORRRINNG!” He does like a challenge.

I was away for 10 days – my annual trip to NY – which may be my last. It’s a 6 hour drive and it takes more out of me each year. I had a good time, saw the relatives, had good visits. I got some work done, relaxed a bit. When I came home, Maverick was over the moon. And I quickly realized that no training had been done the entire time I was gone, except for the class he attended with B. The next two days were catch up days. We didn’t do well the first day. We did better the next. I realized I need a plan.

Next week will be daycare for four days. Then daycare is closing for a week for cleaning and repairs, so he’ll be home for 10 days. Our next class starts in a month. We’re homeschooling for those ten days and for that month. I’ve already started thinking about our training plan. We’re going to be rockstars. I’m determined.

Saturday was Maverick’s birthday. Five years have passed in a flash, but it seems that Maverick does everything fast. 🙂 My wild, funny, goofy, smart, red headed boy is apparently middle aged in dog years but try telling HIM that! He thinks he’s a teenager and as much as he can drive me nuts, I wouldn’t really want him any other way.

On Monday we finish one class, and on Wednesday we start another. It’s been a wild ride with him these past years and today I took a few minutes to ponder on how far we’ve come. There was a day at the park when he got the zoomies on leash, and I stood in the middle of the whirlwind, laughing so hard I don’t know how I held on. There was a day when he got away from me at that same park, and ran directly to the place I knew he’d go, the tennis court. There was a time when I locked myself in the bathroom and cried because he wouldn’t stop tearing up the house, and wouldn’t listen and was just an absolute holy terror.

We blocked off rooms and the stairs for a few months. He couldn’t be trusted to not try to fly through a window if there was a bird outside. And then we opened up the house, and he proved that he was, indeed, not a baby brain ALL the time.

I wanted a velcro dog. Be careful what you wish for. He is attached to me like white on rice. (Is that racist? I’m pretty sure it is) He rarely leaves my side and while that’s a wonderful thing to be so adored, it’s also exhausting. My sister calls me his emotional support person and although she’s wrong about many things, I think she may be right about this one.

Five years ago I was in a very bleak place. Max had gone to the Bridge, after months of fighting the cancer that couldn’t be cured, no matter how hard I tried. Bear was working second shift, so I was alone, again, for all the hours of darkness, it seemed. And dark those hours were. I cried more for Max than I cried for most people I’ve lost. He was my heart, my constant companion, my rock when things were really bad. Five years later, I still miss him every day.

The amazing thing, well, one of many, is that Maverick is actually Max’s great nephew. I like to think that Max saw my grief and sent me Maverick, knowing full well that this ball of fire would keep me from having time to wallow in tears. (There were tears, yes, indeed, but not the kind that left me sobbing from a heart that was not just broken, but shattered into a million pieces.)

Maverick has slowly and steadily knit those pieces back together. He is the center of my world – and yes, the Bear knows that. Maverick is the center of his world as well.

So Happy Birthday to my wild child. May you have 10 more birthdays – at least – before you join your big brother (Max) at the Bridge. I will love you forever.

Well. In spite of my trepidations, Maverick has managed to not only be a rock star, but to be the class clown. I am in shock, and so flippin overjoyed that I seriously cried the entire way home after the first class. I had told myself I would be happy if he didn’t bite another dog or a person. He was very aware of the other dogs – there are 12 in the class – but he didn’t react at all, even when they came within what I thought was his bubble. He was totally an idiot with the instructors, demonstrating what is known among the Golden Retriever crowd as “excessive greeting disorder.” Better that than biting them!

Two weeks into class, he managed to bruise my ribs and pull the muscles across my upper back and shoulders and just cause a good bit of mayhem. Sleeping in a recliner with a heating pad – well, little sleep happened – is not conducive to attending a training class. My dear friend stepped in and offered to be the handler. And she had a ball. So, indeed, did Maverick, and so did I! It was way more fun with two of us. She asked if she could come to the next class. Hell, yeah!

So we haven’t learned a whole lot, because this was basic stuff we’ve done for ages, but it was a great experience, being with the other dogs, having to listen to Mommah with so many distractions, doing what was asked. Next Monday is the last class. I’ve already signed us up for the next. I think we might just be onto something here.

And in other news. My granddaughter, known as the kiddle in the middle, announced to us that we will be great grandparents this October. Emotions I didn’t expect overwhelmed me. I did not give birth to her dad, but I’ve been Grams to this child since she was a few months old, and she, and her sisters, are mine in every way that counts. I was awash in memories, rocking her to sleep, holding her when she was sick, playing so many games. I bought a pack and play for her little sister. It’s been used by several people over the years, and is currently in storage. In 6 months, it will be used by her child. It feels like yesterday that I lifted her up and sat her in the “kid cage” because she just loved playing in that thing – it’s more of a playpen than crib – and just laughing at the sight of her.

I worry about the world this baby will be born into. She (I’m certain she’s a she) and my bonus grandson, will live in times we’ve never imagined. And I will fight like hell to keep this world safe for them.