I thought I knew grief. I’ve lost so many people in my life, one of the joys of a big family is having a lot of people to love, and one of the worst parts is having a lot of people to lose. I thought my heart shattered when Max died. I didn’t think I’d ever recover when my mother died. Bear held me together through those, and so many others.

There is no one to hold me together now. My friends are trying. I am blessed in so many ways.

Last night I prayed as I was driving home with Maverick, I prayed that I had been enough for my Bear, that I had loved him enough, cherished him enough, through all the years

There’s a billboard on that route that changes pictures periodically, you know the kind I mean. As we approached it, it turned totally blue – Bear’s favorite color – and words appeared in white. It said “You are enough.”

Thank you. I don’t know what more to say, just thank you.

Tonight is his service. I don’t know if I can make it through but I will give it my best. And then a new life begins. One I don’t know how to navigate, one I don’t want to live. But with God’s grace, I’ll make it the best I can.