Things no one tells you:
Time gets all weird. A month feels like both an eternity, and a minute, all at once
You lose your identlty. People think of you and your spouse as a couple, but you are in reality a whole, one, made up of two parts that overlap more and more as time passes, till sometimes it’s hard to tell where one stops and the other starts. I have been one half of “MarkandSusan” for 20 years. I don’t know how to be without the Mark half.
A simple task will turn into a memory that will cause you to weep uncontrollably for an extended period of time. (Or maybe for a minute, time is weird) I need to change a lightbulb in the dining room. No big deal, I just stand on a chair and get it done. I stand on a chair and Bear holds my hips so I don’t fall and helps me down, which always ends with me in his arms. I’m under strict orders from my friends to climb no ladders and stand on no chairs when home alone. I get that, but oh how I wish he was here to help me.
People will piss you off for the least little thing. So far, I’ve been nice to everyone except Dish Network, and they’re just assholes and I’ve never been nice to them anyway. I’m about to royally piss them off this week when I tell them I’m downgrading big time.
It is very difficult to cook for one. And eating the same meal four days in a row is just a wee tad boring. I love spaghetti but I do not wish to live on it However, meal planning is easier – tuna noodle casserole on Sunday, tuna noodle casserole on Monday, I think tuna noodle casserole on Tuesday and maybe on Wednesday, I’ll have tuna noodle casserole! (Yes, I’m capable of freezing stuff. No, I don’t feel like it right now. Don’t judge, shut up and eat your spaghetti)
Today I got email telling me that his life insurance will be paid in a few days. I knew this was about to happen but seeing it in print made everything real – new – fresh pain.
My best friend’s dad passed away a week ago. She’s having a viewing today, I want to go and I’m determined to hold myself together for her sake. I’m also certain I’m going to fail because I adored that man like he was my own dad. There has been too much death lately. If I didn’t believe in Heaven, I would be curled up in a ball in the corner. When we repeated Charlie Kirk’s admonition to make Heaven crowded, this wasn’t what I meant – can we slow down just a touch, please?
Suziecreamcheese Sings the Blues 
I just spent the last hour on the phone with my BFF whose husband passed away a few years ago. We laughed, we reminisced, we made plans to get together later this summer. She reminded me that time changes. Habits change. Friendships change. The world changes. And life goes on.
May the peace of the Lord be with you today and always.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My heart hurts for what you are feeling right now. As someone who my lost youngest child, I can say you never forget them, you will still have times you fall apart, but it gets less as time goes by so that you can function and have memories that bring a smile instead of always tears, and continue with your life without the awful pain all the time from the loss. I too am grateful to know we have a Father in Heaven who loves us and His beloved only begotten Son Jesus Christ who loves us. I am grateful to know that is where our loved ones are feeling peace and joy while they wait for us. We will be ok, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment. Enjoy the help from friends and the peace the Savior will send as you stay close to him, while you learn to get through this. You’re in my prayers.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m so sorry for your loss I’ve read several books about near death experiences and they all say the same – no one wants to come back to this life. A few days before he passed, Mark told me had a sort of dream, he wasn’t sure where he was but every question he had was answered before he could ask it. This statement is echoed in nearly every one of these stories. I know he’s with Jesus, I know he’s able to breathe again, and live in the light with no pain, just peace. If I didn’t trust in the Lord, I couldn’t manage to get out of bed most days. Thank you for your prayers, and your kind words, it really helps to know so many people care.
LikeLike