It’s been a year of Mondays, with a few Fridays thrown in just to keep us off balance. We had an ice storm the other day so I kept Maverick home from daycare. I fully expected it to be a nothing burger and I was right but since everyone had canceled, there wasn’t much point in taking him to play with no one. I was expecting a terrible day because it was raining and he couldn’t be outside and we couldn’t go for a walk. (I’m old, I hurt when it’s cold and raining and since he pulls like he’s the lead dog and I’m the sled, it wasn’t happening) He shocked me by being amazingly good all day. We watched a couple of episodes of season 5 of The Crown – we agreed that Charles is a royal dick – and had some snacks and complained about being fat – me, not Maverick, he thinks I’m just fluffy enough to be a comfy cushion – and then he took a nap and I arranged blocks for table runners and bemoaned the fact that I couldn’t go to Hobby Lobby to see if they got in the fabric I needed (one bloody 5 inch square, that’s all I needed!).

Yesterday he made up for his goodness the day before. It was not a pleasant evening, we shall say no more.

I had a birthday. I have one every year so it’s pretty much a non-event these days, Bear said he had no clue what to get for me, so we spent the evening watching a movie together (Blacklight, with Liam Neeson, I have no idea why that was the title but the movie was pretty good, a lot of action and not much plot, but hey, Liam Neeson!) It was a very nice birthday.

It was, however, one of those numbers. Apparently I’m supposed to be old now. Apparently I don’t play by the rules and I feel no different than I did the day before the birthday that declared me officially old. (I’ll let you figure out the number) I have the same random aches and pains I’ve had for the last 20 years and they’re not much different than they were then. I forget a bit so I suspect I’ll be that old lady that loses her glasses and keys in the grocery store, but with any luck, some hot young guy will take pity on me and help me out. 🙂 (One is never too old for a hot young guy) (Trust me)

We survived the weekend and got to Monday and things were pretty good for it being a Monday. Then Tuesday decided to be Monday 2.0. It started when I lost an ear bud. I searched for that bloody thing for 1/2 hour – at the park – which meant that my 2.5 mile walk became 3 miles – and I couldn’t find it. Got home, made lunches, went to the bathroom and got hit by the worst pain in my side that I’ve ever felt. Sudden, like a kick from Chuck Norris, right into my ribs. I doubled over, gasping for a full breath. When I could, I went to the kitchen and said to Bear, “what does a broken rib feel like?” He said I wouldn’t be standing – and how could I possibly break a rib on the throne? (If anyone could, trust me, it would be me) It was easing up a bit, so I thought I’d get a shower, but as I was standing in the bathroom, still not able to breath right, I thought, “something is wrong, I need the doctor.”

Back downstairs I go, tell the Bear I’m calling the doctor, and he agrees I should. The receptionist put the nurse on the line, who hearing my symptoms, tells me to call 911. And that’s when all hell broke loose.

Here’s a hint. If you don’t want all hell to break loose, do NOT under any circumstances answer in any way affirmative to the “are you having any chest discomfort?” question.

My chest felt tight, and my entire left side was screaming, including my chest. HOLY FUCK IT’S GOTTA BE HER HEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (*if you want to know right now, check below)

EKG commences, the EMT says “hmmm.” “Hmmm?” I say. “well, something looks funny. We need to go to the ER.”

They took me out with no coat, no shoes, in freezing weather. By the time we got into the ambulance, my teeth were chattering. Two blown veins because she couldn’t get an IV port started later, I was starting to warm up. I had refrained from saying, “No shit, Sherlock!” when she took my hand, after I had said I was freezing several times, only to be told it was warm in there, and said “Oh my, you ARE cold!” Ya THINK????????

On to the ER, which was another chapter in the Cluster Fuck Saga. More tests, more waiting, meanwhile this pain has centered under my shoulder blade and is not getting any better. At least by then I could breathe. Bear, bless him, never left my side once they told him where I was – they left the poor guy in the waiting room for at least 30 minutes.

More tests, more waiting. Finally, after about 6 hours, they pronounce that it’s not my heart** and I can go. Umm, okay, but what is it?? They don’t know. And you’re sending me home??????????? I was NOT happy. I said that I felt that I was being shoved out the door. So off goes the nurse to talk to the doctor again. I didn’t want to stay but neither did I want this to hit again in the night and have to come back, and I wanted to know what was causing this pain that I was still experiencing. About 15 minutes later, a different doctor came in. HE actually examined me, felt the huge knot in my muscles and said “your heart is fine, you need a chiropractor or a massage.” (He wasn’t bad looking but he seemed to feel that this was the Bear’s job.) Finally I got some pain meds and a muscle relaxant and was told I could go.

A young lad came to give me a ride out to the car. I could have walked, but I do love a good wheelchair ride. He asked where my shoes were. I said, “same place as my coat, at home!’ He was a bit shocked, and said he was going to zoom me to the car as soon as it pulled up. We got to the door, he said, “Hold on!” and he ran to the car with me holding on and laughing like a kid. (That was the best part of the whole experience)

I climbed into bed and slept for 12 hours.

Today was a cardiology appointment. A very nice doctor told me to go away and not come back. He really said that! I howled with laughter. He said my heart is sound, but just a bit different from most. (As he put it, “you’re that kid on the playground with the bright red hair who’s just a bit different from all the other kids, but there’s nothing wrong with you.” I think I fell in love at that moment.) (Seriously, I love my Bear) (But one can have a tiny little doctor crush as well, I think, without breaking any vows) (I hope)

Then on to my primary, who said what we’ve all been saying, “It’s your ribs. You need a chiropractor.”

Sooooooooooooo, I guess I’m calling my chiro tomorrow!

Meanwhile, there’s candy to dip and fudge to be made and presents to be wrapped and a tree to decorate! And a hat to crochet for my youngest grandbrat that has little chance of being done, but will somehow manage to be completed by Sunday.

And the candy will be awesome.

*It wasn’t my heart

** told ya it wasn’t