I don’t like Fall. Yeah, yeah, yeah, pumpkin spice
I like pumpkin pie. Mostly I like pumpkin pie because I really like whipped cream. I make a pie for Thanksgiving and eat one slice, send the rest home with my step son. I make one for Christmas, eat one slice, send the rest home with step son. That’s enough. Don’t put that shit in my coffee or anywhere else, it belongs in pie and that’s that.
Hoodies. Oh, yeehaw, we can wear hoodies. Why are we wearing hoodies? Because it’s cold, that’s why, and I hate the cold. My bones ache, my fingers turn blue and numb, cold is so much fun.
But, but, the leaves! Yeah? Spiders hide in the leaves. I hate spiders. Screw the leaves. Also, they get tracked into my house because I live in the woods (I know, stupid place to live if you hate spiders and critters, shut up, it’s my home and I love it except for when the spiders, etc, decide to come INSIDE instead of staying out there where they can just go die somewhere).
And yay, Christmas is a couple of months away. That’s a wonderful day. The day that I turn into an ATM and hand out money to people who can’t remember my phone number the rest of the year.
Give me warm days and sunshine, let me walk out the door without having to put on extra clothing, let me go barefoot – keep this cold, yucky, pumpkin crap to yourselves.