Almost ten weeks ago, we let Max go.   Tomorrow we bring home Maverick.

I’m still grieving.   I still look for Max everywhere, in the family room on his rug, in the kitchen in front of the sink, where he always loved to be in case a random bit of food should fall.  I think he liked making us step over him, too.    I look for him in the living room, on his sofa, on the landing, everywhere.   He isn’t there.   Sometimes I think I catch a glimpse of him and then the pain shoots through me again.   I still haven’t said goodbye, not completely.   I don’t think I ever will.   He was such a huge part of my life, he will never leave my heart.    Every night I told him – “tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow – and all the tomorrows to come – you will always be in my heart.”   Until the last week, when it changed to “for all the tomorrows we have left, until there are no more, and even then, you will live in my heart.”   He would lay his paw across my arm, and look into my eyes, and I knew he understood.

I miss him so much I can barely breathe.   I’m supposed to be “getting over it,” “moving on,” “looking forward to the puppy.”

The last part is the only true part.   I AM looking forward to the puppy, to puppy breath and goofy silly puppy antics.  I’m even looking forward to chasing him around and keeping him out of stuff, and potty training.

These are not two mutually exclusive emotions.   I thought they might be, I was wrong.   I love Max, always will.   I love Maverick and will love him more as the days go by.    I won’t stop missing Max because Maverick is here.   I just hope I find more reasons to smile and not so many to cry.