Struggling

Wondering if we’re doing the right things, wondering how Max really is, wondering if something is already inside him that we can’t see

Wondering if this is his last snowstorm

(If so, it was a good one and he enjoyed it, but oh how I want more)

Wondering if tomorrow will be better

When he turned 9, I started to wonder – how much longer would we have him?   When he turned 10, I started worrying – taking note of things he couldn’t do any more, trying to take joy in the things he could still do.

I don’t know how I’ll survive without him.

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