A post started – and an accidental deletion
I’m tired. I finished the quilt tonight. It felt like the end – of a big project, and of a friendship. I’m sad. I miss the days of calling each other every day, and talking for an hour. I miss the time spent together. I miss having someone to call friend.
I remember how excited I was that day – when we got in the car after walking at the park – and I said to Max, “we have a friend!” I had been so lonely – and fighting it – and denying it – because I chose this life, I chose to leave what I had known and come here and make a new life with my Bear. I’ve been happy. I’ve am loved. My life is good.
But I miss having a female friend. I could say I don’t know how we drifted apart, but I do know. It was after Duke died. And after Zeke came along. There’s been less and less time for me.
So I thought about going back home this summer. I thought about why I wanted to go back, and what it would cost, both monetarily and physically. I can’t do it. I don’t like that I can’t do it. I could do the money part, we have no problems there, even thought I spend like a fool most days. I just can’t do it – my chest hurts when I drive too much. So that’s that.