Again. I get the blues every year. In the spirit of “I can control my reactions,” I’m trying to not let it get to me. Today was not one of the best. Max decided to be a dog. Yes, a dog. I know he’s a dog, but when he shows his true canine nature, it tends to startle me. He may have killed something, I didn’t find a carcass, but he was eating a liver – still bloody. All day he’s been searching for it – Bear threw it far into the sticker bushes and he’s actually tried to go in there a couple times. It’s frustrating to me that he won’t listen, that I have to scream at him to get his bloody attention.
And I had to say goodbye to a great group of students. It was one of those classes that will keep me going through the rotten ones. Or make them worse.
I’m feeling old. Yesterday’s birthday was the hardest in my life. I’ve never paid much attention to numbers but something about this one – just screamed old. I can’t bring myself to say it yet, that I’m 60 years old. I’m the baby, the youngest, the kid. How did this 60 thing happen? I’m feeling a wrapping up – an ending. I feel like I should be divesting myself of stuff instead of gathering more. I find myself wondering what will happen to various things when I’m gone – more than I ever have. And wanting to make sure they go where I want them. Then I think, “will I care?” It’s all very strange all of a sudden.
I’ll muddle through. Most likely be saying the same stuff 20 years from now. If I can still see the screen on the computer!