I feel like an epic failure. I was pretty secure about tonight’s topic – till I got to class. I was okay till Miss I’mateachertoo started asking questions, and acting like my answers were in Greek. Then I started feeling the insecurity, and I started to feel anxious and stumble over my words and sweat and tremble a bit. I sent them for break. Came back and they were all sort of out of it. Made things that much worse.
Then I find out I was supposed to look for some insurance paper and scan it. I hate our insurance. I think we’ve used the stupid debit card once that hasn’t required that we send in all our paperwork again to verify it. Pain in the ass! And he tells me stuff when I’m not awake, then gets mad when I don’t remember. Stupid shift anyway. And I didn’t do the filing or balance the check books. Never mind that I’ve been hurting all over for a week, or that I’ve been trying to keep ahead of the class or that Anna’s dying and I want to spend as much time as I can with her.
Tomorrow I’ll mow. That will beat up my body, but refresh my spirit. And I’ll try to remember that I CAN do some things right, even if it’s only cutting the grass.