Memories are like sticky boogies

Posted on July 15, 2020 by suziecreamcheese

When I met my Bear, he had one grandchild. She’s now 20 years old and while she was a truly horrible child, she’s become a rather nice young woman. She calls, well, she did before the beer virus, or rather, she would text, because after all, she’s 20, and say, “hey, Grams!” Until about 2 years ago, that meant she wanted something. It kinda still does, but now it’s more often, “wanna have lunch?”

I never wanted kids. I knew from an early age that I just wasn’t cut out to be a mom. I’ve never been convinced that I made the wrong choice. Yet I married a man who had a son and by the time we married, two grandchildren.

It’s very easy to love grandchildren. They go home after a period of time. If they cry, you can hand them back to their parents. If they eat too much candy and throw up, you can hand them back to their parents. You can pretty much always hand them back to their parents.

At one point in time, we didn’t have the luxury of handing them back to their parents. Their parents split up and we became almost full time caregivers. Now we had not two, but three, the youngest being only 6 months old.

Dear sweet baby Jesus, THAT was joyful.

In all the chaos, there were good, sweet, joyful times. I stopped at the local thrift store one day and bought a variety of clothes – sizes were unsure so I did my best. We had the girls that night – Dad worked till 11 so they were often with us, sleeping in our bed till he came to pick them up. Grandpa was working, so it was just us girls, and we had a fashion show.

I loved that thrift store. I bought a Baby Gap red velvet dress for the little one for Christmas – she was 2 months old – for a dime. And on the day of the fashion show, I bought a sweet little white dress, with a ribbon woven through the bodice and puffy little sleeves and a peter pan collar. I took her picture wearing it, all smiles and baby sweetness.

A few years ago, I shared that picture on Facebook – the baby is now 15 and it’s my job to embarrass the grandchildren as often as possible. They tell me I do it well. I tell them everyone needs to be good at something.

Today I opened Facebook to a notification that the little one had shared that picture. I commented that I had just recently found that dress – while cleaning out a closet – and would she like me to save it for when she had a little girl of her own? A huge YES! and a heart – followed my comment. I’ve been smiling all day.

Things – might just be things to some. To me and my grandbrat – that little dress holds sweet memories. When people say we need to downsize and get rid of stuff – this is why I hold onto things. Because the memories are stuck to them. I think I could lose all my senses, and that little dress would bring back the feel of that child in my arms, and the smell of her hair, and the sound of her giggles when her grandfather made snoring noises on her belly. (We’re weird but we’re fun.)

I miss that little girl, but I love the young women all three are becoming.

Posted in family, home, my life | Tagged , | 10 Comments

Mornings are for the birds

Posted on July 8, 2020 by suziecreamcheese

The Bear took a job a year ago working at the school as a custodian. He’s retired, and he was bored, and I was one episode of MASH away from shooting the TV, so this was a very good decision. (I hate Hawkeye. I know that’s not a popular opinion, that this is supposedly an amazingly wonderful classic TV show. Maybe the first hundred times, that would be true. It loses its charm quickly after endless repetition.)

He was off for three months because of the virus. Andy Griffith took the place of MASH. I would like to punch Opie in the face and tell Aunt Bea to stop whining. I think she had an affair with Barney and give birth to Hawkeye.

So now he’s back to work and the TV is mercifully silent. He’s back to work from 6 am till 4 pm. SIX. FREAKIN. A. M.

We are not morning people. He worked second shift for years, and then third shift for seven more before retiring. Our normal hour to arise from the depths of sleep is around 11 am, and we would go to bed about 3 am.

He gets up at 4 now. FOUR A M. That should be illegal. In fact, I think it’s protest worthy. I am offended by four a.m.

He goes to bed at 8. It’s still light outside. I follow a few hours later, usually around midnight. Maverick wakes me up at 8ish. That is not a reasonable hour to be awake.

One would think that this early rising nonsense would mean that I accomplish a great deal more each day. One would be wrong. We have coffee on the patio, Maverick and I. Then we go to the park and walk, because my little weirdo won’t poop at home. If it’s not too hot we go a mile, lately it’s been half that. When we get home, we go back to the patio – I read and write in our journals (yes, Maverick has a journal, put your judgey eyes back in your judgey heads) , he chases butterflies – until lunch.

Most of my day is spent finding ways to amuse Maverick. This is a full time job. My college decided to change the curriculum, make a 16 week course into 2, eight week course, and change the book, all in the midst of switch to everything online, and get it done by August 24th. Getting a print version of this new book was so ridiculously difficult that I ended up having it printed myself because I don’t do well with e-texts. I should be working on this but …………see above sentence about amusing Maverick.

I learned today, and this has nothing to do with getting up early except it probably wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been at the park at 9 am. (A flippin M), that I am way too concerned about what other people think. A total stranger started off by telling me Maverick needed a drink. I told her I had water for him in the car, and that he wasn’t going to drink it anyway. She then told me I should take him into the bathroom because it was cool in there. I said, no, he won’t go in there. She opened the door, he ran to my side. “Oh, are you breeding him?” she asked. I looked quizzical. “I noticed he’s not neutered.” At this point, I should have said, “why are you looking at my dog’s ass?” but I chose to take it as a teachable moment.

Raise your hand if you hate the term “teachable moment.” ~~Waves hand wildly~~

I explained that Golden Retrievers have a greatly increased chance of getting cancer if neutered early. At this point, Maverick was sniffing her leg and she announced that he was obviously a lover. I said that he likes women but is fussy about men.

It was already weird. It got weirder when she then announced, “well, it’s fine as long as he doesn’t vote for Trump!”

Okay, lady, he’s a dog and he doesn’t vote. But aside from that, I’m furious with myself because I didn’t say, “he doesn’t vote but I do and it’s none of your damned business who either of us supports.” I just stood there in astonishment and listened while she went into a diatribe about the President. (She’s ashamed of him. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t care.) I said, when she paused to breathe, “well, you have a nice day,” and took off.

I basically let myself be bullied by a stranger. It won’t happen again.

Posted in dogs, family, home, Maverick, my life, politics, teaching | Tagged , , , , | 11 Comments

Incredibly loud, terribly scary

Posted on June 30, 2020 by suziecreamcheese

But I did it anyway.

On Saturday, I finally did something I’ve wanted to do for a few years.

Bear bought me a pistol a few years ago. I applied for, and got, my concealed carry license. I live in the woods. He worked nights. I felt like I wanted to be able to protect myself, just in case.

I have always had a healthy respect for guns. My father had a shotgun – or a rifle? I think there may be a difference, but it escapes me. I didn’t really want to own one, but I kinda did because when you’re a woman, and alone in the woods, and the nearest house is too far away to hear you scream, you kinda want to feel like you can protect yourself.

So Bear bought me this pistol. It’s a cute little thing, for a gun. It’s a Smith and Wesson Bodyguard. I’ve shot it once. Because, for the life of me, I cannot pull that slide thingie back to make the bullet go where it’s supposed to go in the barrel and so it’s pretty much useless – I suppose I could bonk someone on the head with it but that’s about it.

It sat, sad and lonely and unused.

And then riots started and thugs were threatening to come into the rural areas. Fear is a powerful weapon. What some fail to realize is that it’s also a powerful motivator.

I signed up for an intro to firearms class, took my not so trusty pistol and a box of bullets and off I went to learn something about this powerful little thing that fits in my hand.

It was three hours. The teacher was great – and as a teacher, I’m a pretty tough judge of my colleagues. There were 5 students, a young man of about 30, and a family – mom, dad and son, and then me. I was the little old lady in the back. I told the teacher that I have trouble with this slide – he laughed and said, “you and pretty much every woman.” He tried really hard to help me with it, but finally we gave up and he let me use a different pistol that was much easier to work.

He spent an hour talking about safety. I think a lot of that was aimed at the young boy, but it was very informative and it really brought home to me how very dangerous this thing can be, and how much responsibility it is to own one. He also gave us some history and told stories and was really very nice and very informative.

The last thing he showed us was how to load the magazine thingie. (Thingie is a technical term that means, “I can’t remember the technical term.”) We did NOT place that in the guns. He asked how everyone felt, as we were preparing to go to the range, and put all the stuff he’d taught us into practice. How to hold your hands, how to aim, how to stand, how to hold your arms, so much to remember! Everyone replied that they felt great. He said, “how about you? How do you feel?” to me. I said, “TERRIFIED!’ It got a chuckle from everyone, but I guess they realized I really was very nervous about this.

So off we went to the range. It was then that we put the magazine thingie in the gun and it was actually loaded. He took me in first, which was a very good thing – had I had more time to think about it, I think I would have been in the car and headed for home before anyone knew I was gone. He was so patient. We all had ear protection, and eye protection, and a target in front of us – just like you see on TV! He shot first. I jumped like there was a rocket in my butt, but I didn’t run. He shot one more time, then had me get in position, fixed my grip, waited patiently.

I took a deep breath. Then another. Closed my eyes, said a brief “dear God don’t let me pass out!” and pulled that trigger. I actually hit the target! And scared the bejesus out of myself in the process!

And then I took another deep breath and steadied myself and did it again. And again. Until my wrist started aching and I had to stop.

We all went back to the classroom for the final wrap up. My four classmates wrapped me up in “you did great! You really did it! You were so scared and you did it!’ I felt wrapped up in kindness from total strangers, who had seen my fear, gave me gentle encouragement, and shared my feeling that I had conquered that fear, at least a little bit. The teacher gave everyone praise, and then said, “and YOU, you were terrified, and you did it anyway, and you should be so proud. You did good. No, you did great.”

I did it and I’m glad I did it. I will never be completely comfortable with a gun. But I’ve learned a lot in that one class – I learned it’s something I can handle and something I can use if I ever have to, but that I need a LOT more practice. I’ll never lose respect for the power of that weapon, and I’ll never cease to be amazed that anyone can have anything BUT respect for it.

It’s not so much about protection for me. It’s about conquering a fear. I don’t like being afraid – of anything. Fear is a powerful weapon. It’s also a powerful motivator.

Posted in learning, my life, teaching | Tagged , , , | 8 Comments

Double Irish Chain

Posted on June 16, 2020 by suziecreamcheese

I made this quilt for my best friend’s daughter. We went shopping for fabric, my BFF and I. She knows absolutely zero about quilting, so she picked out the fabric for the squares – which has a little pattern that you really can’t see in the pictures – and then the light blue, and a lovely pale, off white print for the second color.

Umm, that won’t work, I told her. She insisted it would be lovely.

I pulled out the dark blue. Wouldn’t this be nice, I said?

Nope, she wanted the white.

Okay, then, got 3 yards of it, shaking my head and going, “it’s not for you, just do what she wants.”

A few hours later, she called me and said, “you know, I think the dark blue would be better, can we take the white back?”

No, we can’t, but off we went to the store again and came home with the dark blue.

The first day, I also bought a batting and fabric for the back and a few other odds and ends ( a 2 1/2 square ruler that has paid for itself many times) and some needle and some thread, and the bill came to about $250. As I expected it would

She nearly passed out, People who don’t craft are odd creatures, I swear. 🙂

Posted in my life, quilting | Tagged | 13 Comments

The first draft

Posted on June 14, 2020 by suziecreamcheese

There will be small squares at the corners, and probably a small heart quilted in each. I think I can get away with stitching in the ditch for the rest when it’s done. Middle block will have the baby’s name and birthday and be opposite – plain heart, patterned square, probably plain sashing

I’d deep into planning and can’t wait to get to the fabric store. One great thing is that I can use small pieces of so many fabrics, I can buy a fat quarter at a time if I see something that looks good.

This is way too much fun!

Also, this is the first sample, so be kind!

Any opinions and suggestions are welcome otherwise!

Posted in family, home, my life, quilting | Tagged , | 8 Comments

Lack of immunity

Posted on June 13, 2020 by suziecreamcheese

Is something I rarely think about. I am normally, according to my doctor, “disgustingly healthy.” (I love my doctor, he has a great sense of humor and I give him as much grief as possible because he gives it right back)

Since March, I’ve had bronchitis, a UTI and now an intestinal infection. Trust me, you don’t want details about the last one. Suffice it to say that I’ve been out of commission for almost a week, only finally feeling human today.

Is it because of the lock down? Is it because of such lack of exposure to germs that my system has gone out of whack? I’m out and about every day but I’m still not seeing and talking to and being close to as many people as I would normally. (Don’t even THINK “new normal” in my presence, there is nothing normal about the world today and it will never be normal to me. )

I worry about the frail among us. Already susceptible, has this made them even more so? I pray not.

Meanwhile, Maverick advises everyone to make sure their moms and dads stay healthy because a sick Mommah is not a fun Mommah!

In other news, I’m attempting to create a quilt without a pattern from a book, just from my own brain. This is kinda fun, but kinda scary. I planned to make the first, sample block yesterday. Not happening. Maybe tomorrow. Our neighbors are going to be grandparents for the first time around Thanksgiving. These people are the definition of Christian – they will always help anyone, no questions asked, no thanks expected, truly wonderful people. So this will happen, this quilt, with much love. I’ll keep you posted.

Posted in bronchitis, Corona virus, Maverick, my life, quilting, sewing | Tagged , , , , | 8 Comments

Fear

Posted on June 3, 2020 by suziecreamcheese

The motif of 2020 seems to be fear.

I’ve never been afraid of much in my life – aside from spiders and mitered corners and snow, I’m pretty fearless

Throw some virus at me, go ahead, I won’t stay home and I won’t be afraid.

Throw killer hornets at me, nope, not buyin it.

Throw firebombs at buildings and destroy stuff that belongs to people who never did a thing wrong and threaten to kill people just because they’re breathing – yeah, that scares me.

I don’t want to hear excuses. I don’t want to hear that people are angry. Anger feeds anger. I don’t want to be part of it.

I would like to buy an island and go live with my Bear, my dog and my books and yarn.

When the world wakes up and common sense once again prevails, come find me. I’m going to be enjoying life and not worrying about microaggressions and whether I should look at someone – might be offensive if I do, but then again, might be offensive if I don’t but if I stare at my toes am I showing fear or am I dismissing the person or am I somehow breathing wrong and maybe I smell offensive to them, or dear Goddess maybe my teeth aren’t perfect so they’ll come and kick my door in and set my house on fire.

Don’t tell me this is how people feel all the time who aren’t like me. They never got that treatment from me. But they probably will now because they’ve finally managed to scare me. I’m pretty sure that isn’t the result that most people with any common sense, which isn’t terribly common these days, would want. I’m also pretty sure it’s exactly how my friends feel.

I’m watching people I’ve known for years, who have been friends with each for years, fighting on Facebook, and suddenly unfriending each other.

Are we being manipulated? I wonder.

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Fear overcome, the battle was won

Posted on May 11, 2020 by suziecreamcheese

Well. Sort of. It’s not perfect but as my sainted mother would say, “only the gods are allowed perfection.” She had a pre-planned mistake in every quilt – well, she told us she planned it and who were we to question Mother?

Before attempting the binding on the quilt, I made some placemats. They’re pretty ugly and too big for the table but they work well under Maverick’s water fountain. Yes, I said fountain. No, he’s not spoiled. Put your judgey eyes back in your head.

I’m a wee tad touchy these days. I need to shop. And get a haircut. My cute pixie cut looks like the pixies got at it with egg beaters.

I digress.

I practiced my mitered corners diligently on those placemats. I watched youtube videos – those people should be locked up for making this stuff look so easy. Here’s a hint. It’s not easy.

Finally I sucked it up. I made the binding. I sewed it onto the quilt. First, I bought this handy little binding tool from Amazon because the nice lady in the Missouri Star Quilt video talked me into it. Seriously. I swear she was talking directly to me. It helped with getting the binding the right length, but did nothing for the corners

Mitered corners were invented by Satan

I ripped the binding off.

I had a shot of Irish Mist and wept a little.

Then I girded my loins – actually, no, I didn’t, I don’t know how to do that, but I’ve always kinda wanted to say that I did – and sewed that bitchin binding back on.

Nope, those corners were not gonna miter. No way, no how.

I had another shot of Irish Mist

I wept a little more

I tore the binding off.

Maverick and I had a long conversation, mostly consisting of me going, “why, why, why????????????” and him going, “shut the hell up, you whiny woman, and give me a treat for listening to you go on and on.”

I finally gave in, threw in the towel, and squared those bloody corners up and sewed that binding down and declared myself the victor.

The baby will never know that those corners were meant to be mitered. The quilt was delivered today – it’s cold and will be for a few days and then it will be hotter than the hubs of hell but hopefully she’ll get to be snuggled in it for a day or two. And by Fall, when this virus nonsense has become a bad memory, I hope to hold her wrapped in it and rock her for just a moment.

the cause of my misery

Posted in family, home, my life, quilting, sewing | Tagged , | 16 Comments

Fear, panic and courage

Posted on April 22, 2020 by suziecreamcheese

This has absolutely nothing to do with the virus. Seriously. Not one thing.

My neighbor is pregnant with her first child. A nice young couple, they have the rare party that ends by midnight, throw a bash for the neighborhood every summer, keep to themselves, and are pretty much the definition of good neighbors. The lapse in judgement that caused them to get a “mini Goldendoodle” has been forgiven because Willow is spoiled almost as much as Maverick, and although her parentage is sketchy, she’s a good dog who doesn’t cat about. (See what I did there?)

I decided to make a quilt for the baby. Every baby should have a quilt. My mother taught me this – I realized the other day that my mother taught me as much by her actions as by her word – took me long enough to figure that out. Anyway. This quilt has been a trial. I wanted baby prints – and couldn’t find cotton. Flannel substituted, and I thought that would be fun, snugglier than cotton, softer, too.

Flannel is a bitch to quilt by hand. I don’t quilt by machine, that’s not a quilt, according to the aforementioned sainted mother, that’s a comforter. A quilt is hand quilted, and that’s that. Thank you, Fons and Porter, for something called a needle puller.

Tonight I finished the quilting part. Thank you, Sweet Baby Jesus in your fluffy golden diapers!

Party for a minute and then realization hits.

I have to do the binding.

Only spiders scare me as much as binding a quilt.

Dare I take a chance and do this on the machine? (That’s a bit sketchy as far as Mother’s rules, but if I get it done, I’ll take a chance on her smiting me. She’ll probably haunt me but she loves me so it won’t last long)

The first step is actually cutting off the excess fabric on the quilt. I’ll do that tomorrow. Then I’ll have to have a shot of Irish Mist and sit down.

Next I’ll cut the strips for the binding. I can do it, I have a rotary cutter and I’m one of the cool kids – I know how to use that baby!

I can handle sewing the strips together. It’s the next part – where I actually attach those strips to the quilt, that will make me freeze.

If you don’t hear from me for a few days, send booze. I’ll be staring at the quilt, and the binding, crying, muttering, “why, why, why did I do this? What was I thinking!?” It will be a terrible mess, I just know it.

Pictures will probably not follow. I hate documenting disasters.

Posted in home, my life, quilting, sewing | Tagged , | 10 Comments

Now you’ve gone too far

Posted on April 14, 2020 by suziecreamcheese

So the latest in the ongoing saga of a virus and losing rights all over the place, my grocery store has started limiting the number of people allowed in at one time, and placing lines with arrows on the floor so the good little robots have to go up one way and down the other. (This was done last week, I noticed very few good little robots.)

Grocery shopping normally takes me half an hour. It’s about 5 miles to the store, and I shop the same aisles every week, start with the yogurt, down to the eggs, around to the milk, over to the paper products for paper plates – I buy TP and that sort of thing at the big box store – on to the meat section, up the canned goods aisle, over to the chips, then finish at the produce.

According to whoever is in charge of this mess, I should now start at produce and finish at the yogurt. I am a creature of habit. DO NOT MESS WITH MY ROUTINE!

Apparently it is now taking upwards of two hours to do a weekly shopping. I don’t really want to spend two hours with strangers in a grocery store, even though I’m a social person and can talk to a stick if it stands still long enough. I got stuff to do, and I’m really not good at standing around.

I honestly don’t see how this will do anything but make lives more difficult.

Last night, I pulled out the pattern and directions for my next sewing project. I make doll clothes for a friend’s little girl who has an American Girl doll – little miss Sassypants once took said doll to something wearing a dress I had made and when the other girls and their moms oohed and aahed over it, she announced, “You can’t get one like it, it’s one of a kind, made by my Auntie Susan.” I love this child. 🙂 The last project was a dress with multiple layers of tulle – a learning experience for me and something she will love. Next is a set of leggings with an overskirt of tulle, a knit top, and a headband. The headband is made of stretchy lace.

I don’t have any stretchy lace. This is not a big deal -NORMALLY! I would get in my car and run to the store and buy what I need. But noooooooooooooo, the powers that be have decided that my fabric stores are not essential. Maybe not to THEM! I need my damned lace! Can I get it online? Yeah, and pay twice the price for something I can’t touch so I’ll probably hate.

This may seem like a first world problem. Okay, it IS a first world problem. But it’s the little things, people. The little things are going to put us over the edge. I need my life back. I need lace. This is essential to my mental health. Deny me my lace and I’m going to start knitting hats for Maverick. He will not be happy.

edit – my neighbor, after listening to my rant, sent up a HUGE box and storage bag of all kinds of lace. I am in HEAVEN! Still annoyed that my stores are closed, but I’m a happy camper right now!

Posted in Corona virus, home, Maverick, my life | Tagged , , | 10 Comments