Reality bites you in the butt. Or in the back, in my case. After two days of chest muscle spasms and a pain in my back that wouldn’t quit, I gave in, called my neighbor at 10:30 last night, and headed to the ER. I was pretty positive it was NOT a heart attack but I was also pretty positive that I was dying. My neighbor has been one of my rocks since Mark died, he mows my fields, brings me eggs, checks in every couple of days in person and texts me every day. I call him my “bratty little brother” and our circle of friends all refer to him the same way, because he is the youngest, the only guy, and at times, the bratty little brother, but always there for all of us.

After several tests, a couple of EKG’s, blood tests, Xrays, and a CT scan, I was told it was muscle spasms from a pinched nerve in my shoulder area, given a shot of morphine and sent home. I got home at 4:00, got up at 8:00, took Maverick to daycare, went back to bed and slept till 4:00 pm.

Apparently it’s common to have a physical reaction to grief after a bit. Apparently it sucks donkey balls. I just finished reading The Grieving Brain – highly recommend – and will be starting The Grieving Body as soon as it arrives – it’s released in August in paperback. I suspect I will learn a few things.

I have been learning more than I want lately. I am, however, very grateful to God for the people He’s put in my life. The manager of my storage unit told me last week that he buys and sells football cards. I said, “I have baseball cards.” He said, “I know a guy.” I mentioned to a friend that I now own a classic car, a Trans-Am. He knows about Oldsmobiles, but, he “knows a guy.”

And then there’s my circle of friends, that seems to have grown larger since Mark left. Or perhaps it was always this big and I just didn’t know. At any rate, I am grateful beyond measure. And I pray for no more “normal” stuff unless it’s a trip to the Chinese Buffet for no reason!