When we decided to get a puppy, everything came together in a matter of days.   We brought Max home two weeks after deciding we needed a Golden Retriever in our lives.

Ten years, 8 months and 9 days later, Max went to the Bridge, and left a gaping hole in our lives and in my heart.    Nothing will fill that hole, there will always be an ache and a sadness in my soul, that nothing can heal completely.   I know myself – I know that I suffer mightily from every loss.

My life changed in February, when we learned Max was ill.   Our routine was disrupted, changed forever.   Since Max left us, I’ve been lost.   I wander through the days, not knowing what to do with myself.   Everything revolved around him.   There are too many minutes in a day now.

So the puppy search began.   A new friend, a new bundle of fur to love.   Not to replace Max, he will never be replaced.   He will always be my first dog, the only living creature who loved me unconditionally, other than my Bear.    I told him, before he left, that no dog will ever take his place and that was a promise I would never break.   I asked him to come back to us if he could, and if not, to send us another puppy, one like him, one who would help to make us whole again.

The Bear is suffering as much as I am, he just hides it better.   So I sent it out to the universe that we were ready.

On Tuesday I was given a name.   On Wednesday I made a phone call.   Today I got a call back.   We’re going on Sunday to visit  puppies, who are now 5 weeks old, and to let one choose us.    We’ll be bringing him home when he’s ready.

I pray Max approves.   I need to be Mom again.