Worry, tears, and still praying

I fear the end is near.    My Max, my precious angel, is not acting at all like himself.   He’s restless, and panting, and even after a pain pill, he just won’t settle.   He has little interest in food, except for a slice of cheese.   I’m at a loss.  I don’t know what to do, I don’t know if he’s leaving us, or if this is just a bump in the road.

I lost it tonight.   Sobbed, curled up on the sofa, till the Bear came and held me and soothed me.  I know he’s hurting too.   He told me to stop acting like Max is already gone.  I’m trying so hard, but it hurts so much, I can see that he’s not well, that things are not right, and I don’t know how to fix it.

I’m grieving, before he’s gone.  I’m mourning his loss, and we haven’t yet lost him.   I’ve been preparing myself for this for the past year, when you have a big dog and he hits 10 years, you know that time is short.   But it wasn’t supposed to be like this.    We are the lucky ones, the miracle puppy, who beats the odds.   And maybe, if we get through this night, we’ll still be the miracle.

Pray for us.

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4 Responses to Worry, tears, and still praying

  1. Peachy says:

    Praying for you, Max, and your Bear…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel your pain. My dog is nine years old, and already I’m lamenting his future loss. I don’t know if I could handle it.


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