Difficult days

Today was one of them. There’s been a lot of stress in my life the past couple of months, I have a very hard time watching someone I love in pain, mental and physical pain, when I can’t fix it. I’m the support system – and I don’t mind, it’s not like I’ve never needed someone to be there for me when I couldn’t hold myself together.

So I’ve smiled and carried on.
And today, I took Max to a thing with me where there were a bunch of dogs, all of whom he thought he needed to greet. Sadly, there was a three foot rule in place, all dogs had to be kept three feet apart. Max doesn’t understand not being able to greet every dog he sees, after all, aren’t they just friends he hasn’t yet met? So the hours we were there were spent with him hauling me around, trying to get to the nearest dog.

Had I been alone, I would have just taken him home and gone back by myself. I went with friends, who were off looking at the stuff for sale, and totally oblivious to my struggles. So I talked to some people, and tried to get him to settle, and got him a drink, and walked around – while he pulled me in the direction he wanted to go. I’d finally had it when my friend headed for the car to put something in. I said I was just going to leave him in the car and she said no, she’d take us home.
Relief was short lived – he had pulled so hard that he set off a chondritis flare – one that had been lurking for the past couple of days.

I went to bed when we got home. I slept for 4 hours. I had a minor meltdown first, too much stress, too much on my shoulders, a weight I needed to put down for a few minutes.

I still hurt. The weather and the pulling combined to make my ribs cry. But I’ll be okay, and I’ll find my strength and keep on smiling and being the strong one for awhile.

Just as long as I can get a nap every now and again.

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