Suziecreamcheese Sings the Blues

Two nights ago, I started reading The Atlas Paradox. It’s the sequel to the Atlas Six, a book I loved. I normally expect less from a sequel but I still expect it to be good.

I rarely DNF a book

This one is testing me. I’m about 75 pages into it and not one bloody thing has actually happened. It’s been awhile since I read the first book, so I need something that’s going to jog my memory about each character – and it’s not happening. Last night I put it aside and scrolled my phone for 1/2 hour. I never scroll my phone before I go to bed, it often keeps me from sleep and I have enough trouble with that at night.
(But not during the day, nearly fell asleep during a meeting yesterday afternoon) (My mom would say I have my days and nights mixed up)

But I hate to DNF a book. And Peachy gave this 5 stars! What to do?

Well, I guess I’ll slog through another 50 pages and if it’s still not happening………….I’ll just have to suck it up and finish it anyway

Because my brain is on a treadmill these days

I started classes again this week, teaching them – not taking them. I’m also getting involved in the local school board. I’ve gone from “what will I do to amuse myself today?” to “where am I supposed to be now?” in a matter of days

And I”m exhausted!!!!!!! But it’s a good exhaustion, honestly. I didn’t realize how much I missed teaching till I had 4 really good classes this week, talking to students and interacting and realizing that there is hope for the future. We had good conversations about Ai – most were not totally on board with it being a good thing and we agreed that we all need to learn more. I asked them to teach me about things like podcasts and to get involved with creating discussion topics for the class and they responded with enthusiasm. There were disagreements, but not arguments. I am seriously excited about this semester.

The school board stuff has sort of been forced up on me. I’ve just seen too much nonsense from the current board, my school districk is going to have a couple million dollar deficit in the upcoming budget and they’re doing little to make rational cuts, and more interested in spending more, borrowing more – without considering interest payments. I’m concerned about education – obviously – but I’m also concerned about the tax payers. So I’m attending meetings and speaking up and totally ticking off the current board president. (He’s a total jerk so I feel no shame in annoying him mightily, he has a problem with women challenging him so I feel compelled to go “HI!!!!!”

I also got involved with the Friends of the Library and have been asked to make a “book pillow.” I had to look that up. So I have that cut out and will attempt to sew tomorrow.

And in between, I shall find time to grade discussion posts, homework, train with Maverick and maybe eat something. Welp, maybe I’ll lose some weight!

I’m 4 years old in this picture. My sister is 15. One of my friends edited it for me, and without realizing it, added angel wings.

I want to write that little girl, that 4 year old, a letter. I want to tell her to cling even tighter to her big sister because the day will come when she can’t. But she’s 4, she’d have no idea why someone would tell her that the person who was there every minute of her life, who took her everywhere and bought her her first Barbie and taught her that Elvis was great and James Dean was cool, and that love lasts forever, even if you get married and move away and have kids and they seem to come first – they don’t, it’s always you and her – that someday that person would be gone.

She left on October 17th. I called her nearly every Thursday – and I didn’t realize that I stored up bits of gossip and general information all week to tell her during those calls. In her last few years, she rarely got out, she had limited mobility and a great lack of patience 🙂 So I asked her about the family history – and I’m realizing now I didn’t ask enough questions because, dammit, Nancy would always be there to answer any questions I had. Oh, and to tell me the juicy parts of stories that were kept secret from a 4 year old!

I know she’s still with me. I hear her voice and hear her telling me to knock it off, get on with it, she’ll see me again. I know that in my head, but my heart is saying something different.

She loved Christmas. I was going to cancel Christmas this year because my heart is just so broken. And then I realized that that was no way to honor her memory. Or my mom’s, who also loved Christmas. So in spite of family drama on the other side of the road, and my broken heart, my house is going to be decorated within an inch of its life. The tree – artificial because we’re not rich enough to pay $100 for a tree we’ll throw out in a few weeks – will come up from the basement this weekend. The Hallmark animated figures will come out and find places. The garland will drape around the bannisters. And the chocolate creams will be made and eaten, along with a pumpkin roll and cookies.

And I’ll cry, but I’ll laugh and tell stories to Maverick about when I was that four year old whose big sister gave her anything she wanted. Bear will laugh at us and we’ll play Elvis’ Christmas album because Nancy loved Elvis.

And it will be okay. Little four year old Susan? It will be okay. But I really wish I could hug my sister one more time.

It’s been an interesting couple of weeks, hasn’t it? I tried to stay up on Tuesday night – election night – to get the final results, but my eyes refused to co-operate. About 1/2 hour after I went to bed, the Bear came up, said “are you awake?” I was, sort of. He said, “If nothing drastic happens, I think he’s gonna win it.” Well. I was fully awake then! Are. You. Kidding. ME???

I live in PA, we expect drastic shit to happen overnight when it’s an election. (Not just recent elections, we’re known for shady shit. Not proud of it, just tellin the truth) So it was with a bit of trepidation that I checked the news the next morning.

Again. Are You Kidding MEEE?????

I have a lot of liberal friends. We talk, and we agree to disagree on a lot of points. I’ve tried to tell them that identity politics were going to bite them in the ass one day. I tried to tell them that insisting on using certain words was going to bite them in the ass. (No Latino person I know wanted to be called by “Latinx” for example) I tried to tell them that pushing gender issues on small children was going to bite them in the ass.

They didn’t listen.

I wonder if they can hear me now?

Did no one realize that running on basically one issue – abortion – would alienate a huge section of the population? Did they not realize that calling people garbage would alienate them? Did they not realize that telling a traditionally “big car” population that nope, you’re gonna give up your truck for an EV whether you like it or not, was going to alienate them?

Sadly, it doesn’t seem like they learned anything. I’m on a lot of social media sites, and the general consensus among the Democrats is that America is racist and would never vote for a woman, especially not a black woman. It couldn’t possibly be that we could see that she was half drunk most of the time, that she wasn’t qualified, that she wasn’t chosen by the people but by a few in power when the Resident obviously (well, it was obvious for a long time) couldn’t continue.

I’m worried about this country, I’m worried about women who think that shaving their heads and swearing off sex for four years is an appropriate reaction to election results they don’t like. I’m worried that grown adults needed coloring pages and simple crafts to help them deal with the disappointment. (I didn’t get crafts when Biden won, dammit!) And I’m worried about people who returned butter to a store because it contained milk.

Yup. We’re doomed.