It’s been a roller coaster, my life has, since last September.

FIrst, my adult nephew ran away from home because his soon to be ex wife is, and I mean this with all my heart, bat shit crazy. We’re talking cameras in the home so she could track his every move when she wasn’t there, a tracking app on his phone, and that’s just the beginning. She is beyond batshit crazy. If you want to see Momma Bear (and trust me, you don’t) come out, fuck with one of my kids. (No, I didn’t give birth to any of them but I am fierce when it comes to my nieces and nephews) (Half of them don’t talk to me and I’d still go to the wall for them) So thus began a battle, he was not going back and she was determined he was. Umm, no, Bitch, you will go through me – and a whole big family who circled the wagons because even when we don’t like each other, no one else gets to fuck with any of us (There is a great deal more to this story, and at some point, I’ll tell it, but not yet)

(Ask me sometime about my niece who married a guy that not one person in the family can tolerate, other than her, and not even her on some days. Just say his name and you get “No one likes him.” Every. Single. Time. Even the great nieces and nephews, most of whom have never met him, don’t like him. But I digress)

Then the Bear started feeling tired, a lot. We thought it was boredom, he really doesn’t have a lot to do these days. There’s a reason we call our home The Do-Nothing Ranch. He went to the doctor for some tests, because he has a leaky heart valve and it was meant to be replaced. We assumed this valve was one of the causes of his tiredness.

It was, but only partly. While checking the scans, the doctors discovered some “suspicious masses.” And so, the diagnosis no one wants. The Bear has cancer.

The Bear also has a wife who believes not only in the doctors and modern medicine, but in the amazing power of prayer and in miracles and in a God who heals. While he is undergoing treatment, my circle of prayer warriors is also hard at work.

With each passing day, we find more and more blessings. I didn’t realize how many people hold us in their hearts, who love us so much that they’re calling and texting and asking what they can do, and praying, every minute they’re praying.

Is it bad? Well, no one wants this! So yeah, it’s bad. But there have been so many good things, so much love, so many blessings and God winks and messages, my head is spinning. Driving home from the store, I randomly clicked on a radio station and heard this song I’d never heard – Jon Reddick singing “No Fear.” I had to pull over, I couldn’t see for the tears. And it’s become my theme, no fear – Faith over Fear, every single day.

And so we fight, because we don’t give up. Not for Bitchcakes (my name for the batshit bitch) and not for cancer. We have God on our side and one determined woman who is not ready for this love story to be done.

So if you happen to have a spare minute, send up a prayer for the Bear and me. And know that he will be healed, and we will tell the story of his recovery one day soon.

Meanwhile, the nephew chose to go back to his home, after promising me that he would stay with us and help until Bear gets back on his feet. To say that I feel used and betrayed is to put it mildly. I am struggling to accept this decision and to not lash out. He is totally oblivious to the damage he’s done to our relationship. In many ways, it’s a blessing to have him gone. I need to focus on the Bear and not on the difficulties of a teenager with a crush – when the teenager is a grown ass adult.

So I’m struggling a bit, with many emotions. But the most overriding emotion of all is love, love for the Bear and love for the One who will get us through this. And love for the nephew who has hurt my heart so very badly – in spite of it all, I still love him.

Sympathy turns me into a blubbering ball of snot, so snarky comments (yes, I’m looking at a certain follower of mine) which will make me laugh will be appreciated. I started this entry a month ago, we’re fighting and paying and counting baby steps as victories. We will get through this, together, as we have gotten through so many things in our years as a couple. (But y’all can pray like crazy anyway.) 🙂